Thursday, September 30, 2010

Well, Hey, Who's Six Today?

I can't believe this blog is six years old today. Technically, six years and one day. But it's still September 29 in some parts of the world, so it still counts.

Anyone who has read this thing from start to present (aside from me of course, but I doubt that such a person exists) would probably say I'm this crazy bitch who's always angry with the world. On the contrary, not at all. I am actually polite and kind of quiet when you first meet me; and if I like you, I would eventually show you my nasty, giggly self. It's true.

Since starting this blog I have gone through three different jobs, several breakups (yuh huh), and a lot of things in between that made my life beautiful, horrible, happy, sad, crazy and mundane--sometimes all at the same time. I have ADD, I think. I apply it to my everyday life.

The next few months will be spent in a frenzy, a good one. Because it's so characteristic of me to introduce drastic changes every few years to my life, I'm again embarking on the biggest adventure of my life. (I was actually reserving that line for when I get married, but I don't see that happening.) This one is of epic proportions.

Stay tuned.

Meanwhile, in honor of Abby's Spongebob Squarepants-themed birthday party, here is the sponge himself, smiling his creepy psycho smile that every pre-schooler loves.


The Bucket List, But More Like a Murtaugh

There is someone in my life whom I've known for a very long time, but unfortunately the planets were never aligned perfectly for us to be doing what friends do--see each other. Through the years we've made up this sort of Bucket List that we'll do when we're finally on the same GPS coordinates. It ranges from crazy to just plain wrong. Off the top of my head, here's what we've come up with:

Climb a tree in full scuba gear
Mud fight
Frost fight
Organize a jello wrestling contest for the hot girls in the neighborhood
Put up a trampoline for rent business with free alcoholic drinks
Eat hotdogs. And steak. And a big burrito.
Sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" together, with him doing the "Turn around..." bits
Me riding a hoverboard while he tries to destroy me with his laser eyes while riding a rocketship
Ice skate using roller blades
Ostrich racing (his idea)
Get drunk together (twice)
Horseback riding
Prank people using a broken iPhone

I'm sure there are more, but he was assigned to keep the list updated but I never saw it. And I am the boss of him so he has to do it. Right?

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Maybe This is Why People Have Kids

I spent the weekend at my sister's house, and come Monday morning I was lolling on the bed, not wanting to get up and leave the soft mattress. Joaquin was having his morning bottle beside me and making faces at me, while my sister was still sleeping. It was a lazy early morning.

Suddenly my back itched, somewhere I couldn't reach. I was trying to contort myself into several positions to get to the itch, when Joaquin suddenly said, "Ako na ninang. Saan ba itchy? Dito? Dito?" He was trying to scratch several places on my back and finally found it. For a very, very brief moment, I thought that maybe having kids isn't all that scary.

Monday, September 20, 2010

I Guess We All Grow Up

The wonders of Facebook never cease to amaze me. Has anyone ever noticed the proliferation of all sorts of reunions lately? Grade school, high school, college, ex-officemates--name it, I bet some sort of get-together and reminiscing had happened in the last year or so. Thank Mark Zuckerberg for bringing you all back together.

Earlier today I had a Friend Request from someone I absolutely don't know. Our mutual friends were all grade school classmates, but I still don't remember him. Maybe he thought I was someone else he went to school with. After a few minutes he sent me a message, asking me if I was indeed another girl, a namesake. I replied no, sorry, but wait I do remember you! Only I didn't actually type the second part of what I was thinking, which was "You sonofabitch how dare you forget who I am when we were mortal enemies for at least five years and we punched each other in the schoolyard and on the way home and in front of your house with your mother watching."

He was my nemesis; the Lex Luthor to my Superman, the Doc Oc to my Spiderman, and the Cruella de Ville to my 101 dalmatians. I hated his guts back then and I wished a hundred times for him to be found dead in a ravine somewhere. We bullied each other all the time, but however bad the name-calling got to be I never, ever cried in front of him. In the sixth grade life as I know it ceased to exist and I left everything I had in a heartbeat, including the devil boy.

Fast forward to 6 hours earlier today, when I corrected him and introduced myself. "Ah oo, ikaw yung mahinhin dati di ba?" He remembered my brother and our house but he remembered me as mahinhin. Really? I almost dropped a rock through your skull that one time you got hold of my schoolbag and threw it in muddy water. But I think he really doesn't remember, so I asked about his mother, who I liked because she would beat him up in front of me whenever she catches him bullying me. Both our lives had come a long way since then.

He's now married, with three beautiful children and is working overseas. Looking at his pictures, I would be scared of him now. Seriously, he looks like he could kill me just by having that mug. You wouldn't want to meet him in a dark alley. I am glad we got over the fighting early on, because now I wouldn't stand a chance unless I had a gun and knew how to fire it. I'm not saying he's a goon, he just looks like one. And if he reads this, I'm truly dead.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

It's the Hamster's Day Off Today

I want to write something, since I swore I will regularly blog again even if there are days when it hurts, like now. Not heartsick hurt; more like the way it hurts when you try to extract water from cracked soil. There's nothing here.

It's one of those days when I can't process anything, even the shallowness of showbiz talk shows and the seemingly life and death situations they're always in. I notice the host's ever increasing girth, this person who is considered the ugly twin. Sucks to be one, especially when you're considered identical.

I switch to the rival channel, and these reality show winners are being interviewed and the girl is so loud I can't stand it. No one ever thought of enrolling her in a personality development school? She sure could use it. 

Now switching to Cinema One. Oh hey, Angel Locsin and Piolo Pascual. I like them both but not together, sorry. And it's set in the outback where everything is dry, like their chemistry. I don't think having sex inside a stable is enjoyable, much less sanitary. 

Switch back to the showbiz talk show, where a young actress denies being rushed to the emergency room because she and actor boyfriend was stuck together, in a dirty way that requires medical attention. I think the medical term is vaginismus, and it's anyone's worst nightmare.

I've heard about the issue from friends even before it came out in the media, but as a blind item and no names were ever mentioned. We had fun guessing who it was because no clue were ever given, except that they're a well-known showbiz couple. Then the next day there it was on the Internet. Then I lost interest. Like now. The interview was totally walang kwenta.

I'll just eat ice cream. Maybe the world will change.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Height of Delusion and Fantasy

Lately I feel like I have been blindfolded for years and someone just took it off. Or at least had very bad eyesight and I didn't know it until someone forced me to wear eyeglasses. I'm all, well hey isn't the world a colorful place and everything's just in focus? But no, it's not really like that.

It's more like seeing something in a whole new way, you know. When I was a kid (and this is a gross example) my brother and I found this rubbery thingie individually wrapped and in different colors. We opened one and unrolled it (you probably know where this is going) and thought it was a balloon, although a little slimy. So we blew up several of those and decorated the house with it. It was a little irritating that the balloons were too thin; they would pop on a tiny little splinter.

Of course, years later we eventually discovered that they were actually balloons for penises, and it was an incredible parenting flaw that our parents let us blow those up and act like we were staging a dirty bridal shower where the highlight of the night is a gyrating thonged man named Joebert.

So my point is (and I was actually building up to one, believe it or not) I used to see condoms as innocent playthings. They were just there lying around, not to be taken seriously. Fast forward to, well, I can't say exactly when I started to be conscious about birth control because that would be TMI. Let's just say that now I think condoms are very very serious things and you never know when you're going to need them. And I say this with the fervent hope that none of my elderly relatives are reading this, most of all our great aunt who is a nun living in the Vatican.

How I ended up talking about condoms and be-thonged men named Joebert I don't know. All I know is there are people in our lives who are just there in the background for like forever, and you don't see them as anything other than as a background for your fabulous life. No, my life isn't fabulous. Not right now, anyway. Then some things happen and gears just click in your empty little head where the lone hamster on the wheel is overworked, and suddenly this person gets to be {insert your pick of celebrity here, but mine is Steve Carell} who hogs all the spotlight.

It's not the worst thing to happen actually. The worst thing would be if you can't do anything about it, because you're too tardy to the party. At the back of my mind I hope this is only a phase, please let it be only a phase, because I know myself too well and I have phases of delusion. I might want it so badly now but I'm sure there will come a time when I will not want it. I am waiting for that time.


It's the guys that can make us laugh.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Eyes Wide Shut

My astigmatism has returned, it seems. After a couple of hours of staring at words my head would feel like I'm wearing a tiara. It would be fabulous, only this tiara is made up of 5 kilos of solid steel and has clamps that digs into my skull through my temples.

I found my old eyeglasses from 5 years ago, but it wasn't fitted anymore for astigmatism. I don't want to spend a lot on eyeglasses since after a while I will stop wearing them anyway. But if this goes on for another week I might be forced to. My eyes are now tearing up and I can't properly see, much less think when an oompa loompa is making a nice little fort inside my brain.

When I started wearing contacts some 14 years ago they still didn't have ones for astigmatism, so I still wore my glasses to treat it. But now, Acuvue has come up with disposable lenses specially for astigmatism. I'm still thinking if I can afford the contact lens (they are expensive) or just suffer the eyeglasses. I don't hate wearing glasses per se, but I tend to lose them. The pairs I have lost over the years were not cheap too.

I don't know. Maybe when I run out of Advil I will decide.

Tales from the Sunshine State, #1



The Beverly Wilshire Hotel in Beverly Hills, where they shot Pretty Woman some 20 years ago. Julia Roberts was 19 then.

We got here from walking through Rodeo Drive in the blistering sunshine. My friend brought me here as it was my last day in LA, and it was a tourist spot. Hell yeah it was a tourist spot. You couldn't go three steps without another person trying to get his picture taken in front of a store. (I got mine in front of Tiffany's, all the while humming Moonriver in my head.)

It was where the rich and the beautiful shopped and lunched, and they paid no heed to the swarm of tourists wielding cameras that made them mere backgrounds of what was to be their Facebook profile pictures. I've seen expensive cars being driven around, but then again I don't really care about cars. For the first time since I arrived I felt the first trickle of sweat run down my temples. The sun was really high up and I feel a sunburn coming. I was tired from days of 5-hour sleep and the endless roaming around, I was getting dizzy it wasn't fun anymore.

Days before that I always stayed in the sunshine, because the difference in temperature if you're in the shade is very noticeable. I didn't mind walking a lot because it staved off the chills, and when you're wearing short shorts at 8 in the evening it's not a good feeling when a breeze comes. I welcomed the heat.

I almost have no concern for expensive brands and their stores; honestly they were just stores to me, it's not like the mothership was calling. I just wanted to sit down and have a drink. We entered this snotty crepe place and I had some iced coffee to wake me up.

My friend asked me if I wanted to stay. I couldn't answer. For me it was a tourist spot, somewhere you go to when you want to see something new. I can't say if I would want to live there. I don't drive. You can't survive there if you don't drive. Buses come every 45 minutes, and the trains don't go everywhere. Counties are so far away from each other that taking me to San Fernando Valley would get him a two-hour drive back to his own place. Tagaytay is only an hour with no traffic. Their definition of traffic in rush hour is very different from our rush hour.

People would ask me what I thought of the United States of America. I have the same answer everytime: it's big.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Let's Start Over, Shall We?

For all intents and purposes I shall treat this period of my life as a new year, i.e. fresh starts and a new lease on life. Exactly why, I cannot tell you. Yet. Because in the future we might get drunk together and I would feel mushy and decide drunkenly that you are worth sharing my feelings with and then I will inadvertently tell you about that part of my life, and then the next morning I would totally regret it. But because I have pride I will try my damnedest to be good friends with you so I can justify telling you the secret.

Not that ever happened. Yet.

I realized I skipped August, but you'll have to forgive me that one because Gotohelldaddy.com gave me problems with my domain so we're still on that now, but in the meantime we're back to good old Blogger. It's free and it works.

Right now I'm sitting in a desk, with only a laptop in front of me and nothing else. No files, no papers, no in and out trays, and not even a drawer. I come in the morning (well sometimes I come in the morning) and sit and turn on the laptop and work, then I leave after 8 hours. Very minimalist, the way I've always dreamed my workstation to be. That if you know me personally and seen my past workstations you'd know how I feel about this.

I used to have nightmares about the growing piles of paper in my desk, and everyday more comes in. Sometimes I wonder that if a genie appears and grants me only one wish I'd waste it on wishing those papers get filed magically. If there is one office thing I absolutely loathe, it's filing. I get papercuts and the dust from the folders give me rashes. Plus the fact that I really don't like it. But it was part of office duties and everyone does it so I drudgingly did the same. I wasn't good at it, not that I don't know where to file things, I just wasn't good at getting around to the actual filing. Hence the growing pile.

This is one of my fresh starts. I hope there are more coming.