Friday, February 27, 2009

Not Good with Goodbyes


Life-Size Exit Sign, originally uploaded by A is for Angie.

"No more classes, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks..." Then Elmer Fudd pointed a shotgun at Bugs Bunny and there ensued a beautiful mess.

Goodbye, goodbye, another chapter of my life. I hope I'll look back at this as the best decision I've ever made.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Letter Came In Today

Dear REDJEULLE,

Congratulations on completion of your recent Discover Scuba Diving
experience. Your instructor has submitted your registration to PADI. We
certainly hope you enjoyed your underwater adventure.

We love diving, and hope you did too. If you'd like to dive again (and we
know you do!), perhaps even make it a lifelong hobby, we urge you to
become a certified PADI Open Water Diver. Your PADI Open Water Diver
certification card is your lifelong ticket to the underwater world,
anywhere, anytime!

Remember, your Discover Scuba Diving experience may count toward your PADI
Open Water Diver certification.

If you need to find a local authorized PADI Dive Center or Resort in your
area, visit padi.com. Thanks for your interest in diving. We hope to see
you underwater again soon.

How generic is that? They could have at least appreciated the fact that I've drank too much saltwater and inhaled some of it too, because I can't perfect that maneuver to defog my mask. And by the way, it wasn't actually fogged yet, they just want us to practice.

Or that I walked to and fro at the beach with other people around, wearing that unforgiving suit - hiding the best parts and accentuating the flaws? Gosh, I never took a single picture of myself wearing that.

Bleah.

Yeah, I enjoyed diving. And if it weren't such a godawful expensive time-eater I would do it every weekend.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Prayer

Dear Writing Gods,

I have surrendered everything to you now. In a couple of days I will not be required to log in the attendance sheet, or make folders, or wear heels (not that I wore them everyday). In fact, I have upgraded my tool of the trade just so you know I'm in this for the long haul. I'm not good at commitments, but dammit I'm sticking out this one.

So, in exchange, but please don't feel that I'm bargaining with you or even threatening, not at all, maybe if you saw how serious I am about this, you'd consider (at least think about) not giving me writer's block.

Yes, I know it's a fairly normal occurence. But see, I don't want to light matchsticks one at a time out on the street. Or wait for Fifi's leftovers, because as tiny as she is, that girl can eat. If I don't write, I will not eat. It's simple math really. Right now, writing is the only thing I know how to do. Except for making lomowalls, but then again I'll pray to the lomowall gods for that.

You don't have to decide right now. Sleep on it. Thank you.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Oscar is not a Grouch

I woke up to the Academy Awards ceremonies being broadcast live. Usually I have no patience watching awards shows but this time it's my man Hugh who's hosting. I was disappointed though, he didn't strip once, which is a shame really. We need proof whether he deserves to be the Sexiest Man Alive!

I saw Angelina Jolie clapping politely when Brad was nominated for being the best acting baby on celluloid. Mickey Rourke was scary. But Sean Penn defeated them all (and Jennifer Aniston was seated behind him) - gotta watch Milk.

But the biggest victory I've felt was when Slumdog Millionaire won for best picture. I actually shed tears and my little black heart felt warm for a moment. I've just seen it two days ago and... I don't know, I don't have the right word for it. It's cliche on some points, using true love and slums and the gangster life to illustrate things, but it's mothereffingly excellently made it's turned into an award machine.

Frieda Pinto is beautiful enough to be the the gangster's girlfriend and yet you can believe that she came from the slums. Although, if you will ask me, someone who had that hard a life will not be a mashed potato of emotions. Let's just say that if it were a Filipino movie, she would have killed the gangster and ran away with Jamal a long time ago. And Dev Patel was so boy-next-door cute, the harmless kind of cute you'd wonder if he ever got to third base.

I kind of ignored the dancing part at the end, because it's why I don't watch Bollywood movies. Jimmy Santos and Vina Morales of the early 90s comes back to haunt me.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

I Was Cleaning Up my Hard Drive

Two years ago, someone asked me to write a piece on "Being Married and Miserable". I only came up with one paragraph because duh, I've never been married.

The paragraph:

A great big misconception in life is this story: boy meets girl, they fall in love, they get married, have kids, and live happily ever after. Nuh-uh. It doesn't end there. If you had the sense to turn to the next page, you would find out that: boy gets annoyed by the lack of sex, girl is always tired from keeping house, kids are annoying, the expenses shoot up, boy or girl has an affair, spouse finds out, boy and girl separate. Admittedly, not all stories end up that way, give or take some chapters missing. My point is, married life isn't all that.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

For Adoption


Day 4: White Party, originally uploaded by Redjeulle.

I'm looking for a suitable foster parent for my iBook G4 (name's Maki, if you're interested). Leave a comment if interested.

Pffft, it's not easy selling that laptop. We have been through so much, and he knows all of Jewel's secrets.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bzzzt. Game Over.

Yuh I hit the Publish button a little too soon. Sorry for the Blankenstein post.

Anyway.

It's now less than two weeks before I'm outta here and yes, I'm scared shit but no, I'm not changing my mind. I'm actually excited but a little worried that one day I might have to wait until Fifi doesn't want her food anymore so I can have my meal. Or that I would have to light a matchstick one at a time for warmth.

So. What did I do over the weekend? I was on an island until about nine in the evening, scarfing the best porkchops in Region 4. Before that I learned to breathe underwater, equalize, and voluntarily let saltwater enter my mask so I can see better. I also chased fishes, scraped my knee on corals, and learned how to control my buoyancy.

Then I dragged my sea-dried self to Route 196 and was just in time to see Mozzie play in their comeback gig. Sappiness and mushy love songs were not quite the theme du jour, rather everything was about breakups and bitter love songs - you know, the songs you put on repeat when you just want to drop an anvil through your ex's head.

All in all, it was interesting.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Whale Watchers

More than 500 whales had been stranded on the shores of Bataan. Three already died, and one is currently in the care of Ocean Park in Subic. They’re force-feeding the whale to up the calorie intake, and right now they say it’s dehydrated. Dehydrated.

How can a water creature be dehydrated? Don’t they just have to open their mouths and let water in? Yes, I know it’s saltwater, but they live in saltwater right? My point is they don’t have access to freshwater where they live, so I assume they drink saltwater. I don’t know, whatever.

What’s more alarming is why those whales went up to shallow water, endangering their lives. The authorities were saying that there was a seaquake and the animals were disturbed. I hope the said seaquake didn’t result to a shifting of the tectonic plates underwater, and thereby causing a tsunami. The world is still recovering from the most recent one, leaving Thailand and Indonesia ravaged.

Please God, don't create another tsunami. The Philippines has too much coastline, the eejits in charge won't know where to look first.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Home Grown

I don’t know what is it about home TV shopping that sort of hypnotizes me – I can’t seem to stop watching, whether they’re selling pillows or spray-on hair. A part of me knows that it’s some kind of scam, but there’s that teeny tiny part that makes me want to dial that number flashing on the screen and fork over my credit card number, except that I cut all of them a long time ago.

There’s a saying that salesmen are born, not made. But there are people who are proponents of the belief that anything can be taught. Whether the student turns out to be good at it or not, will all depend on the teacher. There are no bad students, only bad teachers.

But talent cannot be acquired like a degree earned from an institution. It is probably the main reason why a distinct number of graduates from a generic (say, business) college course end up not practicing their field of study. These people sometimes accept the first job that comes their way due to economic reasons, and some – I call them the lucky ones – naturally gravitate toward the things they do best.

Like being flirts.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Oh Curses!

"Drop dead" and "screw you" gets old after a while. Pick one and curse. But don't mean it so much, it's baaad.

  • I hope you spontaneously combust.
  • May your hair be infested with lice.
  • May your skin be bitten by a thousand fleas.
  • May a blind man on a motorcycle hit you.
  • May your toenails all die from fungi.
  • May the dead branches of the trees you pass by fall on you.
  • May the appliances you use explode when you plug them.
  • May your roof fall while you're sleeping.
  • May your best clothes not fit anymore.
  • May your eyebrows fall off.
  • May all your teeth decay and give you halitosis.
  • May your hair stylist screw up your bangs.
  • May you spill on your white jeans.
  • May your favorite shoes get eaten by moths.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

No Return, No Exchange

So you feel it's not working out anymore. Unfortunately, you had the dumb foresight to make things permanent because you felt it was gonna last forever. You had these dreams of pink clouds and rainbows and the overrated happily-ever-after concept. Now, I know you hate me and my guts (and I never kept it a secret anyway) but because you did the vows and everything I erased every impression I've had of you, good or bad. You now belong.

I know you're young and somehow I get it that you may feel you're missing out a lot on the single life. You still want to go out and be with your friends, maybe at times even deluding yourself that you are indeed single at that moment in time. But you're not. You promised to hold on, till death do you part; I was there, I heard you say yes. Right now I'm asking you nicely and in a very civil way to stop these harmless flirtings with whomever, because even if it's harmless now it could snowball into something that will eventually ruin your life and those you hold dear.

Seriously, I don't want to bring this up but this was all your idea, wasn't it? You wanted this forever after, you thought it was all so romantic. So even if right now it sucks major balls, you just have to deal. This is one thing you can't Ctrl-Z -- but you can do it right from this point.

I may be a bitch to you, but everything I just said is true. I don't know how you will deal with it, and I know this is a tango for two, so talk about it. Maybe world peace isn't too far off if people would just communicate and compromise and just be all Golden Rule about things.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

The Buzz



Totally legal buzz; the kid just came from the dentist. Totally reminds me of that April day when Rainbow Brite starred in a music video. Or whatever.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Today is a Gift

On Fatima's YM status that "modern life is rubbish"

Redjeulle : anong gusto mo.... gagamit pa rin tayo ng pasador?
Redjeulle : maglalangis ng nyog sa buhok?
Redjeulle : at magpaplantsa gamit ang uling?
Redjeulle : ako ayoko nun
Fatima : ano ang pasador?
Redjeulle : yung napkin nila nung unang panahon
Redjeulle : yung gawa daw sa telang retaso
Redjeulle : yuuuuuuck
Redjeulle : tas lalabhan mo yun
Redjeulle : yuuuuuuck
Fatima : nakikinig ako sa album ng blur - modern life is rubbish
Fatima : AHAHAHAHAHA
Fatima : KADIREEEEE
Redjeulle : di ba?
Redjeulle : yuuuuck
Fatima : ano yun hinuhugasan pa
Fatima : oo shet
Redjeulle : buti na lang ngayon na ko pinanganak
Fatima : hahahahaha
Redjeulle : di na ko magkakalesa
Fatima : yuck ang baho ng kabayo noh
Fatima : tapos naglalaway pa
Fatima : ewwww
Redjeulle : kaya palitan mo na status mo
Fatima : anong oras ka na makakadating ng office kung de kalesa ka pa
Fatima : susme
Redjeulle : saka dati hindi nag ooffice mga babae!
Redjeulle : sa bahay lang
Redjeulle : aanakan
Fatima : hahahahaha
Redjeulle : tapos maglalaba magluluto maglilinis
Redjeulle : mag aalaga ng anak
Fatima : yuuuuck
Fatima : marionette
Redjeulle : yuck talaga
Redjeulle : pag sumagot ka sa asawa mo simberguenza ka
Redjeulle : siguro kung 1800s ako pinanganak lagi akong nasasampal
Fatima : oo nga ako din
Fatima : or matandang dalaga ako
Redjeulle : matandang dalaga na dati ang 25!
Redjeulle : bawal uminom ng alak sa karsada hahahhahahhaha
Fatima : oy ayos 24 palang ako
Fatima : di pa ako matandang dalaga
Fatima : hahaha putek
Redjeulle : tapos pag naki akbay akbay ka sa di mo asawa yari ka
Redjeulle : machichismis ka kaagad na pakawala
Redjeulle : maduming babae ganon
Fatima : hahaha
Fatima : susme di ako mabubuhay
Redjeulle : hahahahhahhaha
Redjeulle : wala ding internet nun
Redjeulle : hahahhahaha
Fatima : yun na! walang plurk!
Redjeulle : ang gimik nyo ng mga friends mo magbuburda kayo ng sabay sabay
Redjeulle : sa sala
Fatima : pota walang MP3
Fatima : walang ipod
Redjeulle : wala lahat!
Redjeulle : kakanta kayo kung gusto nyo ng music
Fatima : ibon lang ang tugtog mo
Redjeulle : tangena snow white
Fatima : hahaha tangena magbuburda
Fatima : hahahaah
Redjeulle : magbuburda na nga lang may chaperone pang makyonders
Fatima : hahahahaha
Fatima : tapos ang theme song mo someday my prince will come
Redjeulle : hahahhahaha
Fatima : MODERN LIFE IS THE BOMB!!!
Fatima : bobo pala ang Blur eh
Fatima : bat ko ba sila pinapakinggan
Fatima : tsk
Redjeulle : hay nako
Redjeulle : palitan na yan!
Fatima : kay oasis nalang
Redjeulle : hi kay liam
Fatima : hahahahaha
Redjeulle : iblog ko nga to
Fatima : oo nga