Friday, September 29, 2006

Happy Birthday #2


Two years ago I started this blog because I got tired of the other one. I was fed up and sick of a lot of things, and I figured moving to a new blog symbolizes things. I really didn't mean to completely move here, it's just that it's so easy to post.

Anyway, I set up camp, and thereafter my life has been chronicled here. Maybe not everything about it, but reading my back posts I could say I've grown up during the last two years. I wasn't as impatient, demanding, selfish, and hedonistic. I've learned a lot; you really can't say anything sure about yourself until you have been put to the test.

Right now is a very good place, and I'm excited about what the future will bring me.

So, happy second birthday, Blog. May we share more happy moments together.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Serendipity

I'm a packrat, I hardly throw away anything because I always think my garbage is going to be worth something someday. Then I opened my cabinet one day to look for my passport -- I started to panic when I couldn't find it after five minutes of rummaging through my precious trash. It was time for spring cleaning again.

In the midst of throwing out movie tickets (Catwoman-Glorietta 4, Chicken Little-Greenbelt 3, Narnia Chronicles-Podium) and old credit card receipts (Body Shop-September 2004, Landmark-April 2005), I found a whole box of plaster strips. There's like a hundred of them in there.

I like plaster strips. They stop the bleeding and protect the wound. If only we could find plaster strips for our hearts when it gets broken, right? Anyway, I was excited about my find, I can't even remember why I have a whole box of the stuff. I kept it near the front of the cabinet in case I need it.

And need it I did.

The next day I cut my ankles while shaving, there was so much blood I thought I would bleed to death. Enter plaster strip #1. I was actually proud of the strip on my skin I kept showing it off to people. I know they don't care, but they saw it already so I win. I was even a little sad when the time came that I didn't need strips anymore.

Two days later I nicked a piece of skin off my toe, I don't know how it happened. The next moment I was bleeding to death again, my eyes watering from the pain. Plaster strip #2 did a good job of repairing the damage. I kept touching the strip wrapped around my toe, I just wished I had the Mickey Mouse or the checkered kind. Still, I had a new trophy. I felt like a soldier sporting a war wound.

The succeeding times weren't that much fun anymore, I keep getting cut or gashed or punctured I don't see how I found it fun the first time. There's a scar on my ankle, toe, knee, elbow, and there's still a fresh one on my finger. When will the mutilation end? When I've used up all the freaking one hundred plaster strips?

Friday, September 22, 2006

Patience is a Virtue

Last weekend, in an attempt to recharge our stressed out bodies, Banana and I packed the house (literally, we looked like we're moving) and headed out to see nature. It was a little scary at first because she's driving and I'm in the passenger side, and you know what the statistics say. Still, I'm insured, and I decided to tempt fate.

Then I realized we have to navigate NLEX to see nature. That's when it started getting more than a little scary. But the sun was shining and I was wearing my Guccis, I didn't think I would die that day. I was right, but looking back I realize I COULD have died.

We were fine on the NLEX stretch, except for the occassional misses with the huge trucks and buses, and almost missing our exit. It was when we turned the road going into the town that things got a little more...fun.

"Are we there yet?" was heard like forty times since getting off the expressway, the stupid town was far. Then it started raining HARD, the kind that suddenly cuts off your line of vision. This is where the fun started. First, Banana forgot how to signal and almost broke off that signalling thingie. Then, when asked why is she not turning on the wipers when we cannot see a damn thing four inches from the windshield, she answered with a blood-chilling "I don't know how."

I found the wiper thingie, and she turned it on. It was very slow and wasn't any help at all. We asked her to turn it full blast, "Oh, it can go faster?" Finally, she found out how. We drove on for a bit, then..."My head hurts from watching the wipers."

See, I could have died.

After 48 years we finally got here.



Yeah, it's crap. But we had fun. We swam on their wading pool and ate and drank and had a run on the swings. We even got to start the barbeque, at 11:00 p.m.

"I'm hungry. I want rice and liempo."
"Me too. Hey, we can cook it now."
"Yeah, we have the liempo and the rice. And hotdogs."
"Do you know how to start a fire?"
"No."
Pause.
"We can try."
"Okay. Do we need charcoal?"

Banana's solution was to light a flat page of newspaper on all four corners, then once it burned she dumped a whole bag of charcoal over it. Needless to say, it took us a while. But we finally got it lit up, and started cooking.

"How do you know if it's done?"
"Just don't burn it. Black meat is not good."
"Uh huh. Black like this?"

It was a good meal.

The next day was for fishing. We rented rods and got bait (Lala fish crackers, moist) and positioned ourselves around the pond. One thing about fishes, they don't like noise. You should try not to talk or move or breathe because they get scared easy. Fishing requires strategy. First, we lured them to our side with food, like hey, free food for everybody! No hooks! Then, just when they are beginning to trust you, you throw out that hook, line, and sinker.

Then you wait. And wait. And wait some more. Because the stupid fishes are not so stupid after all. They grin their evil grins down there while munching the bait around the hook. Still, every village has an idiot, we managed to catch some. Baby fishes mostly, we had to do the slimy smelly task of unhooking them and throwing them back out to the water. The big ones are a little harder to unhook, they flip out. I mean, dude, stay calm while I unhook you to put you in the pail. It's gonna get worse, man.

It was fun and satisfying, the feeling of something heavy tugging your line is exciting. In fact, I caught this baby.


He (I think it's a boy, he has a mustache) was pretty big compared to the pitiful tilapia we caught earlier. He got me waiting a good ten minutes before he finally, voluntarily, hooked his upper lip and sacrificed himself as my dinner.

Friday's Feast 112

Appetizer
Measured in minutes or hours, how much exercise have you had in the last week?
Does walking a lot count? I might have walked four miles in one day, who knows. For work. And I'm not even a messenger or a mailman or raising funds for charity.

Soup
If you had to change your blog title to something else, what would it be?
I have no desire to do so. Oh wait, maybe something like "The All Knowing, All Powerful, Omnipotent Goddess of the Workstation".

Salad
Name one television show you watched when you were 9-12 years old.
Wonder Woman starring Lynda Carter. We tried to transform into a two-piece-wearing cowgirl by spinning around and around, but the only thing that we succeeded at was puking our brains out.

Main Course
If someone gave you $50 to spend with the one condition that it had to be educational, what would you purchase?
Duh. That's a lot of books, man.

Dessert
Do you tend to prefer dark colors, neutral shades, or lighter/pastel hues?
It depends on my mood, but usually I prefer dark colors. Terno sa budhi.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Something Yummy

We've got something else cooking in that other side of the blogosphere. It's a nice change from talking about my life, which is not too exciting to begin with. My blog is more exciting that my life.

Please do come visit, we are launching it sooner than you can say "paradigm shift".

Appearances Are Deceiving

Ang uto-uto ko talaga.

I saw Paolo Santos perform like, five songs, live. Suddenly he's my crush. Stupid, right? I mean, look at him.



Not exactly a Dennis Trillo. But there is this something about celebrities that hooks you when you see them up close and personal. They all have this je ne sais quoi (naks, French) about them, a charisma that transcends the physical.

Take, for example, Robin Padilla. Sure he's good looking. Sure he can act, given the right material and a director who can bring it out in him, a good son and brother maybe. But that's it. He's a certified womanizer, arrogant, irresponsible, impulsive, etc. Definitely not a boyfriend-for-keeps. Some people can't understand why he keeps getting alta sociedad girls like Kris Aquino and Sharon Cuneta. I don't even try getting it, partly because it's one of life's mysteries, and partly because I secretly wanted to be one of Robin's girls. Hey, in my defense, I was in high school – my hormones were a confused mess then.

Years later when my hormones have been rewired into some sort of working order, I forgot all about my Robin Padilla phase and was actually embarrassed by it. One time, by a twist of fate (actually I twisted the arm of the person to let me see Robin) I finally saw him in person. They were shooting a movie, and by bribing somebody with promises of an all-you-can-eat siopao binge, I managed to sneak a peek.

He was standing a few feet from me, talking to some people and holding a cigarette. He was wearing one of those cowboy shirts in red and blue, black jeans and boots. It was like looking at the meaning of life -- my brain was working in overdrive, repeating "Now I know" over and over again.

He is definitely good looking; not cute, think handsome with rough edges. But that's not it – he is MAN. All the stereotyping girls did of what a real man is supposed to look like, that's Robin up front. I thought that if he ever so much as glanced in my general direction, I would offer him my heart and soul for him to grind into a hamburger and enjoy.

He drips of raw sex appeal, never mind the slurring. In fact it's like the cherry -- no, i don't like cherries -- it's like the extra sprinkling of chocolate powder on a grande mocha frappuccino with vanilla ice cream (instead of whipped cream) and chocolate syrup. Yeah, that's it.

Oh God, where's my coffee?

Friday, September 15, 2006

Friday's Feast 111

Appetizer
What was the very last song you listened to?
Ewan, a remake of the Apo hit by Imago. I liked it (my favorite actually), but some of the songs in that album could have been made a little better. I don't like Barbie's version of When I Met You, I kept hearing Sunsilk commercials.

Soup
What is one company/store/corporation you would recommend that people stay away from?
I don't know. Who's to say what's evil and what's not re corporations and globalization?

Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy having your picture made?
5, there's always a 50-50 chance that I come out less than human. I need ample warning when I know my picture is being taken.

Main Course
Besides a bookmark, what is something you've used to keep your place in a book?
Used phone cards, tissue, torn paper, sometimes I even jam my phone in the middle of the book just to avoid dog-earing; I hate hate hate people who do that. No respect for the sanctity of the written word.

Dessert
Name a food that you like that most people don't.
Kiamoy, that weird chinese delicacy. If confusion were made into food, it would be kiamoy. Is it sweet, sour, salty, or just plain disgusting? I like it.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Of Having No Sense of Direction

First of all, let me just get this out before my overwhelming desire for him turns my brains into mush, Patrick Dempsey is HoTTTT.

Moment over, thank you for indulging me.

So there I was last Saturday, starting to molt to the couch, my fingers orange from eating Cheese Rings (the one with Astroboy printed on the bag) all the while trying to finish The Nanny Diaries at the same time deciphering the mystery that is Startalk. I desperately wanted to do something, anything, which will not require me to take a bath. I can’t bring myself to move that day, and I was still in my pajamas at two in the afternoon.

I perked up when Banana mentioned they're going to Carriedo to find some GameBoy cartridges. Now there's a plan. I can get out of my catatonia by assaulting all of my five senses simultaneously, only possible by going to places like Quiapo. I volunteered to hold their umbrella if they'll take me and not let me get lost.

For a while we debated if we're going to drive there or just take the easy way: the train. Banana has only been driving for a month and it might take another month for us to get there judging from the conversation we had.

"Is there valet parking in Ongpin?"
"I don't know."
"Well, do you know the way to Ongpin by land?"
"No. Do you?"
"I think. I know we have to pass a bridge."
"Which bridge?"
"Nagtahan?"
"But that's like in Malacanang."
"So what bridge should we cross?"
"Hey, you're the one who enrolled in driving school."
"It's the bridge with the nice lights."
"Ayala bridge?"
"Isn't that in Makati?"
"Take the train?"
"Okay."

Armed with our stored value cards and the promised umbrella, we crossed Avenida to take the LRT. We chose to enjoy the view along the way, the view I must have seen ten million times when I worked in my old office. We also had a few idiotic exchanges.

"What cemetery is that?"
"The Chinese Cemetery."
"Oh, so that's the North Cemetery?"
"No. It's the Chinese Cemetery."
"So where is North?"
"Below South?"
Pause.
"Isn't North above South?"
"Hey, you're the one who enrolled in driving school."

"Look, there's so many people."
"Because that's a market."
"What market?"
"The one with the railroad tracks."

"Where are we supposed to get off to go to Carriedo?"
"Uh...Bambang?"
"I think Doroteo Jose."

It's a miracle we managed to get there at all. To think we have an eight-year old with us, albeit with more wisdom. ("Sa Carriedo po tayo bababa dapat.")

At least Banana knew how to get to the church, for a few minutes we weren't such morons. Until we got to the supposed building that houses the GameBoy cartridges.

"So where is the building? I only see beads here."
"It's a building with an escalator."
"Should we ask around if there's a building with an escalator near here?"
"No, they might think we're stupid."
They might have a point.

Finally, we see an escalator, thankfully with a building. Banana said it was familiar enough, so we went up to the second floor. The saga of the idiots continue.

"This is a big place. Where's the store?"
"I can't remember where."
"Well, there are a lot of stores here. Which side?"
"All I remember is that it sells a lot of GameBoy cartridges."
"That's helpful. What else?"
"Ummm...the seller wears a cap. And a green shirt."
For someone who can't remember where a building is, that's a pretty good recollection. I wonder if she remembers her past life.

When we finally found the store we were so tired having gone around at least four times in each floor, and there are four stories in that building with the escalator. I told her to buy everything so we don't have to go back when our eight-year old gets another Honors award. She can just keep it and ration to the kid as the need arises. We ended up buying two.

We went back to the ground floor, and promptly got lost on our way back to the church. I saw the beads again.

"Hey, there are a lot of beads here. Is this the building with the NBI upstairs?"

Obviously not. This is the freaking building with the stupid escalator that houses the store that sells GameBoy cartridges, all in a parallel universe.

I was so drained by that trip I ate half a Primo Pizza. And had my fortune told, but that's another story.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Friday's Feast 110

Appetizer
Name 3 things that you are wearing today.
Black shirt, jeans, and Havaianas high.

Soup
Who was the last person you hugged?
B.

Salad
What do you like to order from your favorite fast food place?
Two piece chicken, original recipe (KFC). Shaker Fries Sour Cream and Caramel Sundae (McDonalds).

Main Course
What time of day do you usually feel most energized?
Lately, I always feel tired and sleepy. It differs though, but definitely not before lunchtime. I am not a morning person, I usually growl my way until I've had my caffeine fix, then become catatonic until noon. Then I switch to being lethargic, until about 3pm, then suddenly I have this burst of energy to last me until 10 in the evening. It's all downhill from there.

Dessert
Using the letters in your first name, write a sentence.
RED - Reminiscing Ends at Death.


PS: The whole building has no power, and it's totally dark and scary here and where the hell is Banana who I'm supposed to meet like an hour ago so we can stuff our mouths with Mocha Mint Caramel.

Dammit.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Point Me to Nowhere

"I like DEAD END signs...I think they're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere."
- Bugs Bunny

Now if only life had directional signs, most of us would really appreciate it. But the universe is a funny one, it sends us coded signs and sometimes so hidden if you so much as blinked you'd miss it.

I was never someone who would ask for signs to guide me in my decisions. I was of the Who-Cares-I'm-Gonna-Do-It-Anyway school. Looking back though, I'm not sure it was a good guide to life.

Still, I'm happy, and I was also never one to have regrets. I believe all those screw-ups contributed to what I am right now, and right now is looking good.

I'm fine.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Addicted

It's only been two weeks and I'm already popping pills. My head is throbbing before noon, and I desperately need to lie down.

I am in a perpetual state of frenzy, there are a hundred things to do RIGHT NOW, and two hundred things that are not so urgent. Papers for filing are threatening to swallow me, and the only mark I will leave so people will know I existed is the assprint on this chair.

But still, cheers to the job that pays the rent.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

My Favorite Quotes

Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he does not wish to sign his work.
Anatole France (1844 - 1924)
There really are no coincidences.

The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.
Alan Saporta
Can't emphasize it often enough.

It is good to rub and polish our brain against that of others.
Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
My father used to say, "Always surround yourself with people you will learn something good from. Don't associate yourself with people you know will just bring you down with them."

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.
Nora Ephron
The mark of true geniuses. Which I am not.

To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable. The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy.
Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Because there are times when you win the battle but lose the war. I really should buy this book.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
George Santayana (1863 - 1952)
Remember your History 101. Where did I go wrong?

If you sit by the river long enough, you will see the body of your enemy float by.
Japanese Proverb
Good things come to those who wait. {Cue evil laughter}

If you really do put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Anonymous
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. Was that Eleanor Roosevelt?

Cowardly dogs bark loudest.
John Webster (1580 - 1625), The White Devil (1612)
That's why palengkeras never win.

I Cannot Think

The last few entries are just forwarded mails, which, as my addled brain could barely comprehend, I found funny. They are, actually, but I really want to write something with sense.

It's difficult to think for myself nowadays, it's like somebody unleashed a truckful of chimpanzees on uppers inside my brain. My workload has tripled, my filing backlog has gone the same way, and I don't see the light at the end of tunnel.

In a way, it's good that I am so busy that I cannot think. If I did, my brain would probably be fried by now. And I really don't want to go down that road, it's unhealthy. I have no energy left to wax nostalgic and lyrical about the could-have-beens.

If the bumping off of Pluto is a sign, then maybe I should just follow its lead. Make a new criteria and fling off everything that doesn't chalk up. I am getting older, and this is the time in my life when the decisions I am supposed to be making last me a lifetime.

When you're young and you screw up, that's ok. You have the excuse of youth to back you up. But I'm 30, and I don't want to be just a passenger in my own journey. I'm in charge here, and I don't want to wake up one day 20 years later, feeling like such a loser for not doing anything about my life.

It's not like I'm not doing anything, I'm actually pretty ok. I work in a respectable organization that pays well (and we help the world to be a better place), I'm insured even if I decide on my own that this world suck so much I have to take off by slitting my wrists (I'd really rather not), I go to school (although not right now), I learn new things (bonjour! menage-a-trois?), I have friends (and gaining new ones), I'm smart (believe it or die), I have savings (pitiful but still), and I believe in myself.

Now if only I can get Dennis Trillo to read this, I will know happiness.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ded Shit on Sale







Pictures stolen from Witerary.com, click to enlarge. Now who doesn't want to live in the Banana Republic?

Retribution

Good things come to those who wait.

It turns out that a friend of a friend of a friend is somebody special at the call center industry, in particular an organization where almost all call centers and third-party agents are members.

So I asked her if so-and-so company is a member, she said she will check but it most probably is. I told her about this incident, and she said I could file an official complaint. All I have to do is to present evidence (done), witnesses (done), and other relevant information. They will investigate the person, and if found guilty, will be chucked out of the company before she can say "bitch", and will be blacklisted in ALL call centers.

That's right, I don't get mad, I get even. And yeah, I'm a bitch, and you are just about to discover just how much, you sick, pathetic fuck.

Monday, September 04, 2006

MisQuips

From a forwarded email. Never fails to make me laugh, and I can imagine the types of people who would say such things in all seriousness. I am not stereotyping people who would have such (physical) looks, but generally they are the kind who are "feeling". As in feeling intellectual, feeling sosyal, feeling you're-so-beneath-me-so-I-will-talk-in-English.

Some Pinoy misquips:

"Guys, let's call it tonight!"
"All of a suddenly..."
"C'mon! Let's get it on with it!"
"When it rains, it's four."
"Thanks God!"
"The nerves!" or "The nerd!" (I actually use this.)
"The idea crossed at the back of my mind."
"(name of person), eat your hat out!"
"This is our rooster of clients..."
"The more the manyer."
"It's a no-win-win situation."
"Burn the bridge when you get there." (So they can't follow you.)
"Anulled and void."
"Mute and academic."
"C'mon let's join us!"
"If worse comes to shove."
"Are you joking my leg?"
"It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore."
"What are friends are for?"
"You can never can tell."
"Well well well. Look do we have here!"
"Let's give them a big hand of applause."
"Been there, been that."
"Forget it about it."
"Give him the benefit of the daw."
"It's a blessing in the sky."
"Right there and right then."
"Where'd you came from?"
"Take things first at a time."
"You're barking at the wrong dog."
"You want to have your cake and bake it too."
"First and for all"
"Now and there."
"I'm only human nature."
"The sky's the langit."
"That's what I'm talking about it."
"One of these days is not like the other."
"So far, so good, so far."
"Time is of the elements."
"In the wink of an eye."
"The feeling is actual."
"For all intense and purposes."
"I ran into some errands."
"Hi. I'm (state your name), what's yours?"
"What is the world is coming to?"
"What is the next that is?"
"Get the most of both worlds."
"Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila."
"Whatever you say so."
"Base-to-base casis."
"My answers have been prayered."
"Please me alone!"
"It's as brand as new."
"So... what's a beautiful girl like you?...."
"I can't take it anymore of this!"
"Are you sure ka na ba?"
"Can't you just cut me some slacks?"
"I couldn't care a damn!"
"what's your next class before this?"
"nothing in this world is perfect except the word change."
"Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top?"
"my dad brought home a lot of hand-me-downs!"
"standard & chartered bank"
"I'm very iterated!"
"I'm sorry, my boss just passed away." (translation: kakadaan lang ng boss nya.)
"Hello, my boss is out of town, would you like to wait?" (Sure, why not.)
"What happened after the erection of Mayon Volcano?" (It...exploded?)
"Don't touch me not!"
"Hello... for a while, please hang yourself..."
"It's spilled milk under the bridge."
"Don't change anything! keep it at ease."
"Hello Mcdo, mag-iinquire lang ako kung magkano ang kidney meal?"
"Out of fit ako these days e..."
"Bring down the house down!"

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Procrastination is the Devil's Tool

So here I am at the office, staring blankly at the monitor. I came here to work, not stare off into space.

I'm supposed to be sorting out these motherlode of documents that exploded in my workstation. Seriously, I think there's a whole tree worth of paper here. How's that for caring about the environment? Which, incidentally, is something that's been occupying 90% of my time lately.

I can't even bring myself to begin. I think I need someone breathing down my neck for things like this. Sometimes I feel I need pressure in my life, otherwise I'd just be this lump in front of the TV thinking about Dennis Trillo.

The copy room is locked. I like making photocopies -- I push a few buttons then I sit down to wait. It's like I'm working but not really. I even like the sound the machine makes, a sort of regular mechanical belching.

Now I'm here blogging, and goshdarnit Bridget Jones, I can't believe you'd choose to get laid rather than going out with ME. That puto pao and okoy better be great.

See ya, ning!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Friday's Feast 109

Appetizer
What are some lyrics you have misheard (such as, instead of "Gettin' Jiggy With It" you heard "Kick a chicken with it")?
Can't remember any, but my cousin used to sing Jingle Bells this way:

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oraspan the little one
In a one hep hep hep hey!

Soup
What is the worst movie you have ever seen?
A lot. You won't believe the crap they're churning out these days. For Filipino movies, it would have to be anything with Bayani Agbayani or Jimmy Santos in it. For English, those stupid action movies, usually it stars Steven Seagal or Jean Claude van Damme.

Salad
Using the letters from your favorite number, write a sentence. Example: Tomorrow has really easy experiences.
NINE - No ice, no entry.
What kind of place is that?

Main Course
What was the most interesting news story you have heard this week?
That Pluto got bumped off the planet list. That really sucks. What if Pluto was my ruling planet, does that mean I am lost forever? Fortunately, my planet is Venus and I don't see Venus getting bumped off any list. She's the Earth's twin! What else am I supposed to believe in now, that the sun is the center of the solar system?

Dessert
Which word(s) would you choose to describe your wardrobe?
Blech. Or maybe just ordinary. Let's settle for ordinary.