Wednesday, March 29, 2006

You Will Understand If I End Up Killing Her

Our househelp is so fucking annoying me, I can barely stop myself from drowning her in the aquarium, or have a mug ricochet against her forehead.

Before you all flame me for being so Princess-Revilla with her, let me fill you in with these:

Incident 1:

"Jane, tapos ka na ba sa ginagawa mo?"
"Why?" (Punyetang sagot di ba?)
"Pumunta ka sa Grand."
"Bakit po, anong gagawin ko dun?"
(I couldn't answer, but I wanted to say "Gusto ko dun ka na lang forever.")

Incident 2

"Jane! Inubos mo ba tong peanut butter? Di ko pa to natitikman ah."
"Opo. Ubos na pala?"
"Inaaraw araw mo ba to?"
"Yep yep yep." (Imagine Littlefoot in A Land Before Time.)

Incident 3

"Jane, bakit hanggang ngayon di mo pa kinakabit yung kurtina sa kwarto ko? Isang linggo na ah."
"Wala lang." (Note to Self: Count to ten, loving place, loving place. If you kill her, you will spend 30 years in jail.)

Once when we had a party in the house, I saw her sitting at the table drinking beer and smoking. And demanding that we put the Carpenters Videoke CD because she wanted to sing Top of the World.

She belted out Sana Maulit Muli (and it was a really horrible version) and we couldn't help but snicker. After the song she asked us in a sort of threatening voice: "Bakit po kayo tumatawa, di nyo ba gusto yung pagkakakanta ko?"

She is quite a bulk -- in fact you can mistake her for a man. She eats A LOT. She eats anything and everything. It has come to the point that we have to explicitly tell her which food she cannot touch. I once cooked a half kilo of chicken, expecting that I'd still have some for dinner, but I was mistaken.

She annoys the hell out of me that I haven't eaten meals in the dining table for two days already, as I'm afraid I might choke on my food and die.

I want to fire her like yesterday, but I don't make the decision alone since both Banana and I pay her equally. Banana has had some shouting incidents with her already too. But when we come to think about all the housework that will pile up, we agreed to keep her just until we find somebody else.

Now, can anybody point me to somebody willing to take over?

A Great Talent for Lait

I found Laitera's site while bloghopping. Having found a kindred, who can also write as well, I really enjoyed reading the entries.

I don't know if she's trying to be the local Fugger, except that she targets everybody, not only the celebrities. Well, whatever, it's still funny.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Four Me

Four Jobs I've Had In My Life
1. CAD operator
2. payroll assistant
3. web content administrator
4. aliping sagigilid

Four Films I Can Watch Over And Over
1. Love Actually
2. Ever After
3. Romy and Michele's High School Reunion
4. Amelie

Four Places I Have Lived
1. Tagaytay
2. Bacolod
3. Makati
4. Quezon City

Four TV Programs I Love To Watch
1. Friends
2. Desperate Housewives
3. The Simpsons/Futurama
4. Rugrats/SpongeBob/Kids of Room 402 (whatever the title is)

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Palawan
2. Bohol
3. Ilocos
4. Boracay, etc. etc.

Four Places I Would Have Visited, Had I Had The Money
1. Siargao
2. Donsol
3. Shangrila Mactan
4. Amanpulo, etc. etc.

Four Websites I Visit Daily
1. Dooce
2. The Superficial
3. Go Fug Yourself
4. My Blog

Four Of My Favorite Foods
1. Mongolian BBQ
2. Dinuguan
3. Anything inihaw
4. Squid

Four Places I Would Rather Be
1. Boracay with B
2. In a room with airconditioning, comforters, TV and food
3. Spa, being pampered to the hilt
4. Bookstore

Friday, March 24, 2006

This is an Order From the Queen

Johari me.

Those who do not heed will turn into pond scum at the strike of midnight. Or into something like this. Don't accuse me of not giving you choices.

Dylan, I owe you a Johari.

I Would Choose You Over Dennis Trillo Anytime

Talking to you seems moot and academic at this point already. I've said what I have to say a long time ago, and I hoped then that you understood. You said you did, but you act otherwise.

I don't know what else to do. I am doing my best, I don't know why it's not happening yet. You once accused me of doing something to avoid it, and by God, was I insulted. I proposed alternative solutions, a little push from modern technology. First you agreed, then now you change your mind. Sabi mo huwag pilitin kung wala pa talaga.


But I hear in your voice that your heart is once again broken, or at the very least saddened. I can feel the tiniest strains of disappointment in your words. You're trying to sound ok, but you're not.

And that breaks my own heart a hundred times more. If you want it, you have no idea how much I want it more than you do. It has come to the point that I'm dreading this every time, because if it hasn't happened again you'd go sulking in your dark corner for days. This stresses me to no end.

I want you to understand that this is something I have no control over, and I'm not being like this just to spite you. And for the last time, no, I'm not doing anything. Please don't make me feel guilty over something that is not my fault, and which I already feel bad about.

When the time finally comes--and I know it will--all the wait will be worth it.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

That's Hot

I just hit the 10,000th mark on the counter. Took me quite a while. Maybe if I put porn in here? Or use the words "hot naked teens", "lesbian sex", "cheerleader orgy", or "{insert province name here} sex scandal"?

What about if I discuss the "Step by Step Guide to Telling Your Co-Worker She's Not Human"? Or "How to Avoid Paying at the MRT"?

Maybe if I changed my template with a hentai theme? I like hentai but sometimes some of them are kinda weird. I mean, I've seen a hentai with Pokemon doing the nasty with a tree branch.

I'm on a roll here. Comments are open for suggestions.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Beautiful Sunday

Sunday morning at eight thirty, we found ourselves in Tagaytay. We were looking for a place to have breakfast, when the beautiful lavender flowers lured us into a driveway with white fences and brick floors. We went down the steps to find a place with restaurants and boutiques, mostly closed because it's still early. There were no people yet so we went to the viewing deck. It was a very nice place.

The only place that looked open was Buon Guorno, and there were already some people sitting at the veranda having coffee. We decided to try it, and I'm glad we did.

This is the table that greeted us. But we were hungry, so we ordered some food. It was delicious, and it was too much.

It was so quiet and peaceful. Maybe because they shut the duck up.

So quiet, that some people lost consciousness for a while.

And they have lovely centerpieces, I want to steal them.

We're definitely going back.

Friday, March 17, 2006

How to Find a Government Office's Contact Number

I have organized countless meetings in the past with both international agencies and government offices, so let's just say that I know how to do this, or at least that the probability of me doing stupid things are way low in the chart. Part of the logistics is calling each and every one on the list to make sure they are coming (yeah, even though you specifically put RSVP and a definite date with a working phone number or email). So I was doing my stuff when I came down to that one name with that particular agency when I heard warning bells in the back of my screwed up head. Thus began my journey to frustration:

1. Next one on list is ...uh-huh. What does this acronym stand for?
2. Pull up the Government site. Do a search for the acronym. Wait 48 years...oh, there it is. Turned up three different agencies, picked out the one nearest to the topic of the meeting. So far so good.
3. Click on that agency's link to their website. Wait another 48 years. Finally, an error message. Ok, website not working. I can deal with that.
4. Find out what major department that agency is under, go back to the main page. No, not here, not here too...oh crap, I should really read more news instead of The Superficial.
5. Try out one Department's link. I assure you I used my common sense here, I mean if you're looking for something that has something to do with bread, you'd look for it in the bakery, wouldn't you? Dumb metaphor, but whatever.
6. Link is working, but can't see acronym anywhere. Try out the Links section.
7. The acronym is there, but points to the same dead webpage I was trying to resurrect earlier.
8. Realize there's no other way. Resign self to fate. Pick up the phone and dial the trunkline of the Department. You have a sinking feeling this is not going to be good.
9. Kill self now, before it gets too messy.

to be continued...

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Tale of the Stupid Red Shoe

Last week I found my old red shoes and decided to give it a second life. It has been in storage for at least a year, and like zombies, the shoes had decomposed quite a bit without my knowledge.

So I wore them zombie shoes today, and we were doing fine up until lunchtime. We were walking toward Megamall when I noticed the sole has come off in the front and flapping very bravely, blatantly ignoring the ever-building potential for my embarrassment.

I uttered three mighty "fucks" silently, while I walked toward the mall as somebody with a sprained ankle would. I prayed to the gods of shoes for it not to fall off completely, at least wait while we're in the privacy of my cubicle an hour later, where I keep my trusty Mighty Bond.

While having lunch I kept stamping on it so the zombie glue would stick at least for a while. I was getting weird looks already but what the hey, I don't know those people and would probably never see them again. I must have earned good shoe-karma points in the past (the gods must have remembered the fortune I spent on footwear) because it stuck for the moment. It was a little to the left for my taste, but beggars can't be choosy.

After enduring the agonizing walk back to the office and to my cube, I hurriedly got out super Mighty Bond and squeezed out most of it on the undersole. Well, I can't learn from the mistake of others, obviously. I have to suffer from it firsthand so I could file it under "Things That Are Better Experienced Only Once".

Paranoid as I was of not having enough glue, I put a LOT that it was dripping of it. You might have guessed already at this point what happened next. In a scene not very unlike the liquid paper thingie, one thing led to another and I ended up with three fingers mighty-bonded together, and my right shoe stuck to the carpet. I actually lifted a carpet tile off from trying to rip the shoe out.

Dear God, my talents do lie elsewhere.

Monday, March 06, 2006

Time Machine

Yesterday, some of my grade school classmates got together (I wanted to say in my honor but it's not) for a long-awaited sort of reunion.

Seeing them again made me realize how much people change, and yet still stay the same. The last image I had of them was when we were 11 or 12, and frankly I forgot most of the details of our everyday lives back then. But some of the more interesting ones came back, and it was fun recalling the people and events of our days before puberty struck.

Like how we didn't have a proper bathroom, so when the girls had to go it was behind the bushes, in the same area of land we have to plant camote in for home economics class. Or that phase in the fourth grade when the whole class was seized by pyromania and started cooking sessions at lunchtime under the bougainvilla plants; it was a miracle the whole school had not burned. We would all steal ingredients from home like salt, sugar, rice, etc. and proceed to concoct recipes using empty Nido cans as pots. Yes, we ate whatever goo came out of that. Don't cringe, obviously you haven't tasted our sayote with salt and sugar. Sayote was a given as it just fall out of vines over there, no one pays attention to them - in fact I don't eat it now because I felt I had already consumed my lifetime quota of sayote in my childhood.

Some of my classmates changed so much that it was hard to associate the "now" with the "then". Our resident muse is still single, when back then she had the most boys associated with her name. Quite a number became teachers, hooray for you guys, cheers to your never ending patience. The tallest girl in the class didn't grow much, but I guess with three kids you can't afford to have extra time brooding about your height. It was quite a surprise that a few of them have kids old enough for their first communion; it seemed ours was not that long ago.

They were still the same kids I knew though. When I look at them I remember that oh yeah, her eyes were brown, or hey, she still has nice teeth, and that this other girl, her cheekbones still stand out nicely when she smiles.

We all have our own lives now, with most of the significant events long past - first period, first love, first kiss, 18th birthdays, weddings, first child, losing a parent - now we're all semi-veterans of this trip called life, and I'm glad I touched base.

PS: I would like to thank Grace and everybody for coming, and to my Magic Sing for providing entertainment. See you again soon.

Friday, March 03, 2006

B's Nuggets of Wisdom

While waiting for the train:

"Tingnan mo yung tattoo ng babae sa arm."
"Bakit, ano ba yun?"
"Kababaeng tao, dragon ang tattoo."
"Eh ano ba dapat?"
"Bakit di man lang dragon na may ribbon?"