Tuesday, December 26, 2006

It Runs in the Family

Christmas was ok, the family drove in troops to our house for the annual Victoria clan Christmas dinner. It was nice seeing my cousins and give out gifts, there are so many of us my pockets are grounded for the next 2 months. Every square foot of the house is occupied by people of various ages, the youngest being Abbey Doodle at 3 months, the oldest is my mother at 52.

It's good to see my cousins being their rowdy selves without caring for proper behavior -- they tickle, tease, poke, kiss, hug each other. We don't get to see the whole clan together very much, except for Christmas and other special occasions.

I'm glad they're my cousins, because at least they exist to prove that I'm not the only insane one in the family. Presenting Exhibit A:



The big-haired one is my sister, and the other is my cousin Pau. They're very talented, and my sister just performed the Cell Block Tango as Velma Kelly complete with the wig, tanga and glittering eye makeup for their company party. Not every sister in the world can do that.

I'll write more and post pictures later, but this will have to do for now.

Karu

Dahil goodluck na lang sa pagkakaron nito...


At lalo naman ng ganito....
Patulan ko na lang kaya to?


Ya think? How much is a liter of gasoline anyway?

Friday, December 22, 2006

Noelle

When it's late at night and you're all alone, with no one around to see your fake smiles -- what do you really feel? What goes on inside your mind? Who or what do you think about?

Let me know.

Maghulog lamang ng empty pack kalakip ang proof of purchase with your name, address, phone number and signature sa mga drop boxes sa inyong suking tindahan.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

She's at it Again


Just a little more, a little inching towards the mighty delicious chicken. I can smell it already, I can almost taste it on my lips...I'm sorry, what? What do you mean I can't have one? What are birthdays for (and this is mine, you know) if you can't eat all this wonderful food? Gosh. I know my doctor said I couldn't eat yet, but my Mom's been cheating and just yesterday I ate a whole potato all by myself. And earlier that Cerelac was glorious, although I suspect they're lying everytime they say there's no more left. I usually require Mom and Nanay Nita to show me the bowl if it's true. Otherwise I scream to the high heavens. What does a kid have to do to get a chicken leg around here?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Abundance of Something You Abhor

Say you don't want this thing lying around. The very sight of it makes you want to hurl breakable things against the wall. Then suddenly, this thing multiplies like a Gremlin hosed by the fireman and takes over your life.

And almost as sudden, I forget what I was trying to say because I just got an email that I will have to be godmother to my nth godchild. It's a girl, Marie Emmanuelle, courtesy of Ana and Edmund.

So this entry is not something about abhorring or any synonyms thereafter. It's a joyous occassion, and time to shop for baby gifts again.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Keeping Up

I live among filth.

Right now, I’m watching the third season of House while wrapping a mountain of toys and whatchamacallits for this merry season called Christmas. I am not merry at all.

I am ok with wrapping gifts, but I bought the wrong wrapper. It’s not the crisp one, it crumples easily and is driving me bonkers. It’s ok for wrapping boxes but not so good for irregular shaped objects, which comprises 90% of my whatchamacallits.

I just sit on my bed while I wrap things and the plastic bags they came with are threatening to engulf me. I lost track of what I’m giving to whom and I don’t care anymore, so there might be some of my friends who will get a Snakes and Ladders gameboard and a 5-year old boy is gonna get some killer earrings to die for.

(I still wonder how I can keep a train of thought while writing this and watching House with his blue blue eyes dole out sarcasm to dying people. God, I missed him. Still can’t decide between House and Derek and Nate.)

Friday, December 15, 2006

Friday's Feast 122

Appetizer
What was your very first job with a paycheck?
Well, it’s not a paycheck per se but I did get free tuition and monthly stipend. I worked for the Registrar’s Office in my university handing out report cards to bratty high school students, whom I terrorized if they get too bratty. First real salaried job, as an AutoCAD operator doing blueprints. It was fun, but not my cup of tea. Also because the pay was pathetic.

Soup
Did you ever lose something really important to you?
I lost my father. We may not be close or have really bonded in the years before he died, but when I was a kid he really drilled important things in my skull. Some are trivial, like the Tagalog words for north, south, east, and west (hilaga, timog, silangan, kanluran, respectively); and others a lot more philosophical that he will make you think about it for a while, wring out your own interpretation, then explain what it truly means. He can be a difficult person, and we didn’t see eye to eye most of the time because he was too conservative and I am obviously a liberal. But he was very intelligent, and I appreciated that.

Salad
What is the best Christmas present you ever received?
Tough one. I don’t even remember a stand out present materially speaking, because I did get a lot in the past; I guess it depends on the person giving it. It can be just a letter or a handmade card but if it came from someone very important to me then I will treasure it forever.

Main Course
Tell about a favorite "hang out" place for you and your friends when you were in high school.
Under the sampaloc tree in front of the old Science building. There were two benches under that tree, and we would sit there for hours just talking and laughing and swatting the boys sometimes. I don’t remember what we talked about, probably about nothing and everything. When I think about it, we didn’t make sense most of the time but my God, we loved to talk.

Dessert
Name something that always brings a smile to your face.
Abbey Doodle Peanut Butter Puddlywumpers. :-)



Heroes Often Fail

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Chameleon Champion
Your Superpower is Near-death Experience
Your Weakness is Handshakes
Your Weapon is Your Stellar Bludgeon
Your Mode of Transportation is Slide

Model Student

I think my heart stopped last night at class. I wasn't able to go for two consecutive weeks, one was my fault and the other isn't. I don't know anybody in my class (except by face) enough for me to ask what has been going on so I went on living my life of borderline debauchery (yeah right) and just showed up last night with nary a clue.

I was late (a given) and when I got there there was somebody in the front with what suspiciously looked like a powerpoint presentation, and I heard the word "project". I swear I stopped breathing for two seconds while my brain processed the information.

I didn't have a stitch in me to save myself. Or so I thought. I did bring Maki, and I had the presence of mind to transfer my school working files to the laptop earlier. And last week I made a one-page very rough draft of my project. Will I be able to do this?

I was like possessed by the Ghost of Schoolworks Past. In ten minutes I had a 5-slide presentation (including the title hahaha) explaining my project. I had a project rationale, objectives, methodology and related literature. In ten minutes. Yey!

Another five minutes for whipping out something to say with the slides, but mostly I just read the whole damn thing with my mouth very dry, with my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth. Is he gonna buy what I'm saying here? Because frankly I don't, it really looked like it was done in ten minutes. But he said it was a promising study, and he can't decide which area it covered because it might cross over to at least another two. So, great.

PS: Thank you to Maki, you saved the day; and Mac Office for providing great professional-looking templates. Whew.

Monday, December 11, 2006

The Right Way of Gift Giving

A friend told me to go to a shop, pick out what I like and text him the size, color and material number of the item so he can pick it up as a gift for me.

Now that's how you give gifts. The element of surprise might be gone, but at least you know you're getting what the person really likes. And let's face it, guys do not have sixth sense in picking out gifts. There was a christmas once upon a life that I was given this wallet, it wasn't hideous or anything but obviously i was expecting something more...aesthetic than a wallet. My face really fell and he could see that I was disappointed, and it ruined the whole evening. I didn't want to look so crushed, but it was too late. In fairness, it was a Benetton product so I can't say he went cheap on me, and I found it useful for out of town trips.

So really, thanks dude! :-)

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Top Ten Jologs Things To Do

10. Text me "Hello poh, sori 2 dsterb u. Cn u b my txtm8?"
9. Expect me to reply.
8. Go to Starbucks/Seattle's Best and hoard on the condiments to take home.
7. Announce that you will watch Borat because it's porn.
6. Pronounce suicide as "swee-sayd", country as "kawntri", lunch as "lants", Santa Claus as "Klaws", and mango as "meynggo".
5. Argue that it's the poor people's fault that they're poor, but it's not your fault that you're such a fuckhead.
4. Fall for the line I'm-harmless-because-I'm-celibate kind of shit.
3. Cry for every wrong thing that happens to you. Whine whine whine all day.
2. Bite the hand that feeds you.
1. Google my name in the hope of knowing who I am and what I do, and spend hours reading this blog's monthly archives. Oh yes, I KNOW. I don't know why you're so interested in finding out all about me, since I'm not the least bit interested in you. Why don't you just do the world a favor and stick your head in the oven, or jump in front of the oncoming train, or whatever it is you pathetic people do to alleviate your distress. Leave me the fuck alone.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Guessing Game

Try to play Twenty (sometimes Forty) Questions with a 9-year old and this is what you get:

Word: Santo NiƱo

Bagay? Yes.
Nagagamit? Yes.
Nabubuhat? Yes.
Bag? No.
Pader? No.
Poste? No.
Kotse? No. Nabubuhat nga eh.
Picture Frame? No.
Painting Frame? No.
Mirror Frame? No.
Drawing Frame? No.
Clue: Pinapatong.
Hmmm…Cross? Lapit na.
Host? No.
Chalice? No.
Mic? No.
Cross? Hindi nga po.
Pinapatong po? Yes.
Pari?

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

She Has a Point There

Me: pag ba hinoldap ka tapos pinipilit kang mag withdraw tapos bigla mong binali ang ATM jujukilin ka nila?
Kikay: malamang
Kikay: ikaw kung gutom na gutom ka na tapos me fuding ang kapatid mo, tapos humihingi ka...tapos imbes na bigyan ka, sinamol nya lahat
Kikay: di mo ba sya jujukilin?
Me: eh hindi naman kami magkapatid ng holdaper no
Me: saka hindi naman holdaper ang kapatid ko
Kikay: eh di lalo na! anong care nya kung dumanak ang dugo mo?

I Wish Everyday the Sky is Blue


But lately I feel like I'm inside an Escher artwork. No way out, so confusing and far removed from reality.

What the heck, what I really want to say is I'm unbelievably sleepy and I can't go home just yet because I'm having a four-day weekend. Yessssss!!!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

She Can't Have Too Much of One Thing

Classic quips from Apo Jukay, ca 2006:

On Happy Feet:
"Nood tayo ng Happy Feet."
"Bumili ako ng DVD nun, sinoli ko nga eh."
"Bakit"
"Puro penguin eh."

On French lessons:
"Enroll tayo ng French, Apo."
"Nag-enroll na ko nyan dati, di ko lang inattendan."
"Bakit naman?"
"French sila ng French eh."

Upon seeing a picture of my feet:
"Paa mo yan?"
"Oo."
"Pareho?"

All of which I refuse to dignify with an answer.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Not Anubis




Horus



Sparkling personality, intense will, intelligent, understanding, impatient to exert influence.

Colors: male: red carmine, female: gold
Compatible Signs:
Bastet, Geb
Dates:
Apr 20 - May 7, Aug 12 - Aug 19

Role: God of the pharaoh
Appearance:
Form of a falcon-headed man, wearing the double crown of Upper and Lower Egypt

Sacred Animal: falcon

What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign?
Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries


Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Calling my Fairy Godmother



I want this for Christmas. Yes, both. I don't know if I'll ever wear it, but yes I wantitwantitwantit.


Moving On

This is for Scott, whose grandpa Leslie passed away.

Why do people have to die?
So life can have meaning. That every day here on earth matters, and all we do in that life and for the people in it can have importance, that we can sleep at night not sure if we're going to wake up the next day but knowing that we have lived well.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Friday's Feast 118

They're back.

Appetizer
Do you believe there is intelligent life on other planets?
Sure I do. It is an infinite galaxy after all, and there are planets out there revolving around a star with the right mix of atmospheric gases. What, do you think we are so beloved by the Lord God that everything in the universe revolves around us? Please.

Soup
What is one thing you said you'd never do, but you eventually did?
That I will never get involved with someone whose brains are smaller than mine. Fucking aristocratic snob, am I? I'm sure the people I dated with bigger brains said the same thing about me.

Salad
Who is the teacher that influenced you the most in school?
Mrs. Garcia (Grade 1 teacher), grade school- I topped the class out of fear that she would humiliate me in front of everybody if I didn't know the answer. Ms. dela Cruz (Chemistry, 3rd year) and Mr. Montoyo (English, 4th year), high school - Ms. dela Cruz made it clear that even if she was half our size she could very well make us beg for her forgiveness; Mr. Montoyo, because he proved that teachers can be your friend. Mr. Haro, Mr. Bolivar (college) - they strengthened my resolve that I was right in choosing my course. They taught very interesting subjects I don't mind studying for. Although I did not pursue it, but that's another story.

Main Course
If you could trade places with anyone for one day, who would it be and why?
I don't know...a Hollywood star? The Sultan of Brunei, maybe? Just to get a feel how is it being filthy rich and sitting on gold.

Dessert
What is your favorite dish to prepare?
Tuna casserole and spicy chicken wings, my specialties.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Look Who's Talking


"I swear on all my remaining hairs that I will grab that sweet sweet heavenly colorful nice thing you're getting your pretentious little hands on, but this creature called Mother is kinda being a hindrance to that plan of mine, who insists that not only should I wear red socks with my blue dress, but that I won't eat until like another month and I'm not really digging that because let's face it, I was born to eat."

Thursday, November 16, 2006

And Then There Were Turon...and Mais, and Fishballs, etc.

After lining up to pay my tuition fee (before I stop convincing myself that I can do this) we proceeded to the UP Shopping Center to check out the latest. I love the SC. It transcends boundaries and serves as a great equalizer to the Iskolars ng Bayan.

From the outside it doesn't look much, being an old-ish strip of stalls, but once you get inside life suddenly bursts every which way. From Rodic's and Sarabia Optical, to several computer shops and beauty parlors, bookbinding stalls and stationery shops, the Maroons store, a pet shop and a pharmacy, down to several fastfood doors, the SC is the UP student's one-stop-shop.

Nothing beats the street food down here - the isaw and fishballs, gulaman, corn on the cob, turon, banana-Q, okoy, and everything in between. We were sitting down at monobloc chairs with a matching table eating our street food, and midway towards putting the last squidball in my mouth a woman approached our table and grabbed a discarded kikiam to eat. "Sayang naman."

Okay.

My ever-sosyal companion who, being a manager at his office, commands a view of the Makati skyline every single day of his fabulous life, said "Walang ganyan sa Greenbelt." True. Only at UP Naming Mahal.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Da Gels

I haven't said much about my friendship with these people. I don't see them much lately, but we've shared a lot. We got lost in Hongkong, raided bagnet stands in Vigan, burned to crisps in Boracay, terrorized the fishes in Rizal, drunk-dialled would-be exes, plotted the demise of other people, conducted lunchtime photo shoots at the courtyard, shopped for shoes, compared notes at work, colored each other's hair (mainly Apo's), and watched naked good-looking men gyrate to Kenny G. for money.

Wasabi

Meaning "I can't think of anything to say except for the same old things I'm still lamenting and I can't bear to listen to myself any longer. If it were another person who would endlessly whine about how busy and whatever his life is right now, I'd stab that person in the eye just so he'd shut up."

Monday, November 13, 2006

Speechless

Too much going on inside my addled brain. Can't remember much, yet I know I have too many things going on at once. Sometimes I think I bit off more than I can chew.

And yet this is the only way, and all arrows point to this direction. I would be the stupidest person alive if I didn't take this chance. Screw being tired, something bigger than what I can comprehend is fixing things for me, and I should be kicked if all I can do is make excuses.

But sometimes I wonder where Dennis Trillo fits into all of this.

Friday, November 10, 2006

This is for the Cousin in the UK with Two Brats

Because we can't seem to get hold of each other, and I am a stingy person who will not text internationally, plus I know you read this blog regularly, I am now officially kicking off your Manila Tour 2007 in this blog.

As I've emailed you before, Discovery Suites has a special rate (way cheaper) for the residents of Middle Earth, meaning me and my ilk. If you want something closer to the airport, I cannot help you because I don't know any suites out there, and besides the traffic there is so bad if you plan on traipsing around Metro Manila. Ortigas Center is in the middle of Makati and Quezon City, and in itself a major business district, meaning things are also hip-happening there.

If you want somewhere in Makati, you can stay in Oakwood right smack in the middle of Glorietta. But I have to warn you that being filthy rich is a requirement to stay there long-term. I can check out the lesser beings, but since you said you don't want the likes of your hotel before, I'd rather not.

About the domestic flights, there are recently a lot of promo rates going around, check out their websites here and here. I presume you have a credit card so you can get it over there, they issue e-tickets anyway.

If you need more information, you know where to email me. And oh yeah, there will be no beau anymore to speak of, so maybe you can help me out in that area.

Love,
Your most beautiful cousin in the whole wide world this side of the globe

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Conversations of Prestige

Mental note to self: don't go out during weeknights. Don't be deluded by promises of a movie. Instead, will find self in front of beer and iced tea, with people who have tendencies of playing Spin the Bottle without the bottle. Otherwise you will be calling in sick the next day.

I barely know these people, but in the span of a few hours I knew a lot about them. We talked about relationships, the realm of the exes, how people change as they mature, friendship over the years, how many people they've slept with (keep counting), their ranks in high school, and how a great voice can cause earthquakes. Oh yeah, that in some cultures, Cler is breathtakingly beautiful.

It was a fun night, even if it was without Prestige.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I Didn't See That Coming

Turns out I can graduate early, like next year. That is if I have the balls to face it head-on. I'm not prepared, I was expecting like one subject to deal with this semester. I don't even like the elective I'm supposed to take, but since my friends are planning to take it I was all, Oh ok, count me in. You know, to ease the pain of being housebroken for the second time. I need them to hold my hand while I type up those papers.

Then I trudge to school to enroll, when lo and behold (I still hate this expression, FYI), they were offering the very same subjects I dropped. What to do, what to do? One, I didn't prepare enough tuition. Two, I'm not really sure if I can take two subjects at once. Three, I'm kinda lazy and those subjects require heavy use of my gray matter.

My friend Mong used to tell me that if I want my life in order I should take the first step. Well, I just did that, and it didn't feel great, neither did it go well. But I did it, so I hope she's happy.

I hate to admit it, but it seems she was right. All the pieces of my life are falling right into place now. Now it seems everywhere I turn there's a door open, or there's that window I can squeeze in. In situations where I thought I could just barely scrape through, I surprisingly have an easy time.

I want to thank God for not totally pushing me, just tripping me over. And also for sprinkling magic dust my way -- maybe it's fate, or luck, or maybe it's because finally, I'm growing up.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Market Value

There comes a time in your life when you begin to doubt yourself, whether you are indeed what you think of yourself, or is it possible that, horror of horrors, you are a loser?

You begin to assess your life then, take it apart inside out, top to bottom. You wonder if what you have can be categorized as NOT LOSER. But really, what does it mean to be your own life's biggest loser?

No matter how often your family and friends tell you that you have the so-called potential, it's so much easier to believe the bad things. And if you hear it often enough, you begin to imbibe it. Being a loser means doing just that, to go with the flow. Not to do something to change your life, to consciously choose to do the wrong things, that will be your ticket to oblivion.

A friend asked me what is the stupidest thing I ever did. I said not a lot, but the stupid things I did were major, rare as they may come. Ok, he said, what about in the last year? Still not a lot, actually the things I have been doing recently was "un-dumbing" myself. I can't totally undo all of it, but it doesn't mean I should keep on doing it, right?

Honestly speaking, I really dodged a bullet out there. God still loves me, although I thought He abandoned me because I don't go to Church. God may not give us everything we wish for, because He knows it will only make us more miserable. What would I have done if I actually got what I wanted? I would be this debt-ridden miserable and depressed evil witch, maybe. I shudder to think that I voluntarily wanted it at that time.

I hope that in the future I would have the sense to avoid things that are doomed from the very start, no matter how tempting they may be. I can't face myself in the mirror knowing that I could have done so much more, but did not because I was lazy, or just being too stubborn for my own good. I'm getting older every passing day, and may God give me the wisdom that comes with age.

The worst regret we can have in life is not for the wrong things we did, but for the right things we could have done but did not do.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Just Because You Don’t See It Doesn’t Mean It’s Not There

I am not proud of my gift, or curse, however you may want to look at it. You see, I may crack jokes or appear happy or growl and call you names, but I SEE DEAD PEOPLE.

I didn’t know I had it, I thought people can see what I can. When I realized that what I was seeing were beyond the ken of the average third eye blind person, it got a little weirder for me. It all started when we moved to the province to live there for a while. Here in the city, there’s no time for reflection – everybody’s busy, there’s always noise, several things are competing for your time and attention.

In the province, you can see the stars more brightly. There’s more time for conversation, and even though there’s TV, it’s more fun to hang out with friends at the seawall. There’s also less noise and no streetlights, and therefore, it’s darker and quieter. And you notice more things. Like ghosts.

The house we lived in was a nipa-roofed bamboo-floored affair, and back then it was the only house in the block full of talahib. One night, while we slept inside a mosquito net, I dreamt that a woman with red eyes was outside the window playing peek-a-boo with me, while I was being dragged feet-first towards the window. When I woke up I was indeed outside the mosquito net with my feet near the open window, and I know it was closed before we went to bed because my grandmother would pull my hair if it wasn’t.

I also got to spend a night inside a very old church, during my great-grandfather’s wake. You know what they say about sleep in a cemetery but not inside a church? It’s true. It seemed like 300 people were milling around, dragging their slippered feet. Sometimes I felt like I was being poked, but I’m not sure because I kept eating candies three at a time and trying very hard to focus on my Sweet Valley High.

There are a lot of ghost stories I can tell you but it I’m sure you’ve heard similar stories before. Like the one where I took a nap inside a meeting room then woke up when I felt something heavy pressing on my shoulder. I could even feel her breath, she was begging me to take her away from there. Imagine waking up to something like “Isama mo na ko, ayoko na dito, hirap na hirap na ko.” I swear, it would make your heart stop and beat a hundred miles per hour at the same time.

There were also those episodes in our previous apartment, right after my father died. Suddenly a lot of strange things are happening, and we kept seeing people - three, to be exact - appearing to members of the household separately. From our different stories we concluded that there's a little girl, an old man, and a young-ish man doing the rounds. But nobody can prove anything because no two people experience things at the same time. Then one day, we were having a late lunch and I dared the ghosts to appear in front of all of us. I know, I was just being crazy. Then I lifted up my glass to drink and the next moment I was wet. The bottom of the glass was still at the table, very neatly sliced, like a machine would. The next day we were house-hunting.

To make use of my talents I even joined the Spirit Questors at one time, we were made to "tour" a partially-abandoned office building. Afterwards they tried to talk with the entities, and I wasn't able to sleep for three days after that. But when things in my life are all too frequently present, I get desensitized. I don't care anymore.

When we're together and I see one, I'm not going to tell you, don't worry. It will be my little secret. Unless it starts poking you.


Boo.

Monday, October 30, 2006

A Fork in the Road

Suddenly life is offering me options again. I am not at a dead end anymore, and the sky is blue once more.

If Plan A works, I will be given a fresh start. But it would be No more classes, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks. I won't be able to finish my degree. I won't know whether my project would see implementation. But I would have ten thousand things in exchange for that. It's scary exciting, and I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

If it doesn't, well, there's Plan B. It used to be the default Plan but now that I was given a choice, it was demoted to back up. I really want Plan A to happen, but if it's not meant to be, then I'll just review for the Compre, finish writing my project and finally graduate. Hopefully it will open doors, but it was never a guarantee.

There's a Plan C, sitting here for all eternity until I reach retirement and join my fellow retirees in founding a Strip Chess Club.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Friday's Feast 117

Appetizer
Create a new candle scent.
Beef brisket. What? Fine, freshly baked bread.

Soup
Name one way you show affection to others.
I growl at them, or call them pet names.

Salad
What is your favorite writing instrument?
Mongol #1, sharpened to a murderous point.

Main Course
If you were given $25 to spend anywhere online, from which site would you buy?
Amazon. Books on sale, free shipping.

Dessert
Are you dressing up for Halloween? If so, what are you going to be?
I'll be wearing my vintage (2002) spider headband.

PS: I didn't do the last Friday's Feast because the questions were boring.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Going Back to the Basics

My new post over at TM - Our Definition:

"I was never an early adapter when it comes to new technology, specifically with cellular phones. My first phone back in 1998 was an analog Motorola, I can’t even remember the model. It served the purpose, I can make calls when I needed to. Eventually it got phased out when the GSM technology proliferated, i.e., the advent of SIM cards and text messaging and free caller ID. Yes, people used to pay for Caller ID. Ask your mom, I’m not lying."

Read the rest of this entry.

The 500 People You Meet in Hell

I got Jessica Zafra's latest book, The 500 People You Meet in Hell. At the end of the book she invited people to send in their versions. Well, I'm posting mine before I send it in. Here's some of my 500 people.

1. Testimonial whores in Friendster. Because really, what's the worst thing than not having one? Begging people in your Friends list to go write you a testimonial. In hell, people will do write something, only it's the opposite. They will be given a list of what their friends hate most about them, the vilest, darkest sides of their personality.

2. People who converse loudly in public places. You know those people who shout at their phone because "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Didn't it ever occur to them that even though they can't hear the other person, the other person probably can hear them back perfectly? In hell, the demons are going to shout "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? HOW ABOUT NOW?" directly into their ears for all eternity.

3. People who hold entire conversations inside moviehouses while movies like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is playing. They will be watching the most boring movies in Hell with devils, and every time they open their mouths they will be struck by bolts of fire from the devils' pitchforks.

4. Mothers who make their little daughters wear tube tops and ankle boots then pile heavy gold jewelry on them, making them look like little skanks. These mothers will then be dressed as little girls, complete with ruffles and bows and sugar and spice and everything nice, then let loose in a room full of devil pedophiles.

5. The boss who made you feel stupid. In Hell he gets an assistant that is so incredibly stupid, she has an ass for a head. See if he likes it.

6. The TV producers who churn out garbage like Hokus Pokus and Daisy Siyete. They will be made to watch their creations over and over again for the next few billion years, they will wish they were dead except that they already are.

7. The ex who treated you like crap then declare undying love years later. (Fuck you.) For people like this, there is no need for Hell. Being themselves is enough of a curse. They will be given a life of cycles. The same shitload of crapola for the rest of their lives and all their succeeding ones.

8. The officemate who pretended to be your friend then ratted out your secrets. Her tongue would be pulled out for miles while the devils run ten-wheeler trucks over it.

9. The boy/girl who stole your girlfriend/boyfriend. In Hell, each limb will be tied to the horses of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse then off they go in different directions. Then ugly evil trolls will piece him/her back together using barbed wires as surgical threads. And it all goes on forever and ever and ever.

10. The taxi driver who wouldn't take you just because you live outside his 50-feet radius. In Hell he will walk for all eternity. No rest.

Who are your 500 people in hell?

Friday, October 20, 2006

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

My Life is Sucky

Sometimes it's easier to just not care. I don't care what happens tomorrow, or next week, not ever. But I know this sucky feeling will pass and I will once more make decisions for people within a 50-mile radius.

If I had a car, I might drive into a truck tonight, but fortunately I don't and it's pathetic really to drive into a truck when your life is like mine. This day just sucked monumentally, and I know I'm rambling but you know what, I don't care.

I'm just tired. So tired.

There are things to be happy for though. I served as a panel for some business class defense thing. I won't mention the school anymore, but it's a prestigious one and I must say I'm sort of disappointed. I was expecting more, so much more from those kids. Oh well, they're rich anyway, they probably don't need to do business models that much.

And also, I now have a topic for my thesis! Thank you, Nomad, for suggesting I use it. I'm actually excited to do the outline and data gathering for that. It is a feasible project and I hope that with the help of our Fairy Godfather we can implement it in the not-so-far future.

Friday, October 13, 2006

Friday's Feast 115

Appetizer
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend reading other blogs?
Do you really want to get into that? Not as much as I spent before.

Soup
Your community wants everyone to give one thing to put into a time capsule. What item would you choose to include?
My iPod. Or CDs that contains the songs in my iPod. I didn't really mean to give out my iPod.

Salad
What is the most interesting tourist attraction you've ever visited?
This is a tough one, every place has its charms. I've already been to a lot of places, but I'm still looking forward to Angkor Wat.

Main Course
If you could give an award to anyone for anything, who would it be and what would the award be titled?
And the 2006 award for The Most Unfeeling, Callous, and... I'd really rather not.

Dessert
What do you think your favorite color reveals about your personality?
My favorite color is red. It stands for strength, life, passion, courage.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

The Benefits of Having Multiple Personalities

All these, the things you read here, that's not all of me. It barely makes up a tiny, tiny, tiny percentage of who I am. I may be showing different sides of myself as I write, but there's still more from where it came from.

One of them is the academic side of me, that desire to learn new and good things, and to learn it well. It's that side that got me good grades in school, and when I got out of college and entered the real world it helped me bluff my way out of many conversations.

One of the reasons I resigned from a previous employer was that I felt my brain was rotting from stagnation. I can't live doing the same things over and over again, day after day, and not learning anything new. I got out and experienced new things, and it was like a breath of fresh air. It saved me from drowning in mediocrity and ignorance.

It was also that side that got me back in school. I know I wanted to pursue a higher degree, and I did. What I didn't know was that it will change a lot in my life -- there was so much I don't know. I never knew I could actually use big words like competitive strategy and using it in a comprehensible sentence that my professor would actually read.

Apparently, I wasn't alone.

Recently, a group of people from different backgrounds and various industries have come together to help explain what is Technology Management. There are representatives from the IT industry, entrepreneurship, business economics, international organization, and the aesthetic industry. Technology is the common denominator of what we stand for -- we invite you to come visit the site and leave comments to help us improve it (it's still in Beta).

I did the first post.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Drinking from a Dirty Glass Causes Insanity

Bakit ang hirap maging masaya?

{pause.}

{long pause.}

Ilang beses ko na ba tong pinagdaanan? Bakit hindi pa ko madala?

{sniff.}

{a teardrop falls.}

{look at nowhere in particular.}

Hirap na hirap na ko.

{tears flow freely.}

Ayoko na. Kailangang matuto na ko.

{fall on knees while sobbing.}

Kailangan kong maging matatag.

{stops crying. looks at the heavens. takes a deep breath.}

.
.
.

Kailangan ko na talagang mag-file.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Very Scary Indeed

Last night, Banana, her eight-year old and I were watching TV and the trailer for Robin and Regine's movie, Till I Met You, came on.

Regine: Gustong ituloy ni Don Manuel ang kasal namin.
Robin: Natutuwa ako.
{cut to next scene}
Robin: Ikaw lang ang babaeng minahal ko ng ganito.

Eight-year old (in a very matter-of-fact, deadpan voice): Bakit di na lang nila patayin si Don Manuel?

We wanted to play the role of responsible adults and tell the kid something about where-did-you-get-that-idea-that's-bad and when-you-have-people-problems-you-don't-kill-the-people but we couldn't stop laughing.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Ashley Beatriz, Brand New


On September 25, 2006, this little squeak toy of a baby came out. I didn't see her until two weeks after she was born, but when I first looked at her pictures, I can't imagine I could love a human being so unconditionally without having to meet her.

Ashley Beatriz or Abbey (I wanted to call her Pokwang but nobody would let me) is the firstborn of my brother; and yeah, this same brother. She is the first grandchild, the first niece. Therefore it would be safe to say that she will have the most pictures, the most toys, and the most attention of all other grandchildren to follow.

When I first held her I got a little teary eyed, I can't believe my dingbat of a brother made something as amazing as her. She's so small and fragile, like she could break in my arms. She's a human being, and how my brother and his wife thought that they're ready to raise another person in this screwed-up world, I will never know. I applaud them for their bravery, and while it's their job to ensure that Abbey grows up to be a kind, good person and a responsible citizen, it's our (the aunts) job to spoil her silly.

You know the type, when I was a kid of course there were rules at home. We can't stay up late, no sweets before meals, no comic books, no chocolate cake for breakfast. When Abbey is big enough to have sleepovers, she can stay up as late as she would like to, read my books if she wants, and she can very damn well have chocolate cake for breakfast. As a parent I guess you have to draw a line, but as an aunt that line can be an ambiguous one.

When I think about how one day I might have an Abbey, I get very very scared. A baby is brand new, a blank canvas. How the child will turn out will very heavily depend upon a lot of things -- the values I will impart, the environment I will raise her in, and the people she will associate with. The first two a parent can have control over, but the last one the child will have to decide for himself. (You can always yell, but it doesn't work all the time. Sometimes you have to eliminate the wrong friends.)

I cannot begin to list the things I hope Abbey will become, but like the fairies on Princess Aurora's baptism, here's a bit of my fairy dust -- Abbey, may you grow up intelligent and compassionate, kind and generous, and trusting yet street-smart. I don't have to wish you beauty, you're my niece.

Our first portrait together.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Friday's Feast 114

Appetizer
Name a song you know by heart.
Beauty and the Beast from the Disney movie. When he was three, my cousin Andrew and I used to duet in the bathroom whenever I give him a bath. He's 18 now, but I bet he still remembers it.

Soup
What will you absolutely not do in front of another person?
A lot of things. Pick my nose, cry about not having ice cream, and wax lyrical about the pros and cons of being in love with a statue that pretends to have 46 chromosomes.

Salad
How often do you use mouthwash and what kind do you like?
Everytime I brush my teeth. I like the non-sting ones, I hate it when they make my eyes water from over-mintiness.

Main Course
Finish this sentence: I am embarrassed when...
I am embarrassed when I fall flat on my face in front of a crowd because I can't be bothered to lift up my feet while walking. Or I am embarrassed when the bike I'm riding with my cousin suddenly falls over near a basketball court with lotsa guys playing, with us splayed on the road for all of them to gawk at. Also, I am embarrassed everytime I'm being me, which means saying things I shouldn't say to people I shouldn't be talking to at all. My mouth is big enough to fit both of my feet sometimes.

Dessert
What was the last food you craved?
Oishi, Pepperidge Farm Chocolate Chunk Cookie, vanilla ice cream, and lechon kawali. None of those were satisfied, fuckit.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Of Bedmates and Season Enders

I'm not in a very chatty mood these past few days, because aside from hauling my ass off from one filing room to another, my life has been dull recently. But but but, I could always post pictures.

The End of Mutilation

Remember I was complaining about always cutting myself (accidentally) when I found those freaking plaster strips? Well, the streak has ended fortunately, but with a bang. Or a crack. I twisted my wrist, and came out of the doctor's office with my hand looking like this. The doctor told me I had weak hands, I'm not cut out for doing manual labor. See, that's why I don't do laundry or dishes or heaven forbid, gardening. So much for going kickboxing though.


My Current Bedmates

Everybody have their own rituals before going to bed. Mine is not so complicated as rituals go, no sacrificing of living things etc., but they have to follow a certain order. If I miss one I have to go back and repeat steps if necessary. Mild OC behavior, I guess. I also can't sleep without one of these beside me: books, remote controls for the TV and DVD, cellphones, cream for my ginger feet, and vapor rub.


The New Light of my (Bedroom) Life

We have been frequenting the Divisoria night market recently and found this lamp, among other cheap great finds. I've always wanted something like this but the ones I like are too expensive, and besides, someone promised to buy me a lamp for like a year now. So far, that someone hasn't got around to actually buying it so I went ahead and bought it myself. It's taller than me and it only cost five hundred bucks. My room looks like a beach resort guest room now, except that I sleep on a mattress on the floor. Sometimes my floor has sand, does that count?

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Friday's Feast 113

Appetizer
What is your favorite herb or spice?
Pepper and basil.

Soup
Name a song you like but haven't heard in a long time.
Closest Thing to Heaven by Carl Anderson, it was included in the original Crossover 105.1 CD.
"You're the closest thing that I've been to heaven, and I'm the farthest thing on your mind..."

Salad
If you were to take just one minute to write down as many things as you can think of that you need (not want) to do, approximately how many things would there be?
Four Hundred and Fifty Two. Are you happy now?

Main Course
Tell something interesting about one of your family members (nothing scandalous, please, just something unique).
Everybody in my family is interesting. I have this aunt on my father's side, her family was raised in a not so good environment, and they didn't have much education. She had 11 children, all of whom were grown up and have families of their own by the time I was born. What's interesting about them was that every one of the 11 children had a unique nickname. There was Palaka, Jun Kabayo, Rodang Bakla, Pekpek (not kidding), Akang, Tiwa...the ugliest names you could think of was bestowed upon them, I don't know why. I don't see them very much, nor talk to them at all -- we don't have that much in common except that we're related.

Dessert
What's the latest you've ever stayed awake?
Try 48 hours of no sleep, back in college. Haven't broken that record since. If I did that now I would certainly die. I'm old, you know.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Happy Birthday #2


Two years ago I started this blog because I got tired of the other one. I was fed up and sick of a lot of things, and I figured moving to a new blog symbolizes things. I really didn't mean to completely move here, it's just that it's so easy to post.

Anyway, I set up camp, and thereafter my life has been chronicled here. Maybe not everything about it, but reading my back posts I could say I've grown up during the last two years. I wasn't as impatient, demanding, selfish, and hedonistic. I've learned a lot; you really can't say anything sure about yourself until you have been put to the test.

Right now is a very good place, and I'm excited about what the future will bring me.

So, happy second birthday, Blog. May we share more happy moments together.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Serendipity

I'm a packrat, I hardly throw away anything because I always think my garbage is going to be worth something someday. Then I opened my cabinet one day to look for my passport -- I started to panic when I couldn't find it after five minutes of rummaging through my precious trash. It was time for spring cleaning again.

In the midst of throwing out movie tickets (Catwoman-Glorietta 4, Chicken Little-Greenbelt 3, Narnia Chronicles-Podium) and old credit card receipts (Body Shop-September 2004, Landmark-April 2005), I found a whole box of plaster strips. There's like a hundred of them in there.

I like plaster strips. They stop the bleeding and protect the wound. If only we could find plaster strips for our hearts when it gets broken, right? Anyway, I was excited about my find, I can't even remember why I have a whole box of the stuff. I kept it near the front of the cabinet in case I need it.

And need it I did.

The next day I cut my ankles while shaving, there was so much blood I thought I would bleed to death. Enter plaster strip #1. I was actually proud of the strip on my skin I kept showing it off to people. I know they don't care, but they saw it already so I win. I was even a little sad when the time came that I didn't need strips anymore.

Two days later I nicked a piece of skin off my toe, I don't know how it happened. The next moment I was bleeding to death again, my eyes watering from the pain. Plaster strip #2 did a good job of repairing the damage. I kept touching the strip wrapped around my toe, I just wished I had the Mickey Mouse or the checkered kind. Still, I had a new trophy. I felt like a soldier sporting a war wound.

The succeeding times weren't that much fun anymore, I keep getting cut or gashed or punctured I don't see how I found it fun the first time. There's a scar on my ankle, toe, knee, elbow, and there's still a fresh one on my finger. When will the mutilation end? When I've used up all the freaking one hundred plaster strips?

Friday, September 22, 2006

Patience is a Virtue

Last weekend, in an attempt to recharge our stressed out bodies, Banana and I packed the house (literally, we looked like we're moving) and headed out to see nature. It was a little scary at first because she's driving and I'm in the passenger side, and you know what the statistics say. Still, I'm insured, and I decided to tempt fate.

Then I realized we have to navigate NLEX to see nature. That's when it started getting more than a little scary. But the sun was shining and I was wearing my Guccis, I didn't think I would die that day. I was right, but looking back I realize I COULD have died.

We were fine on the NLEX stretch, except for the occassional misses with the huge trucks and buses, and almost missing our exit. It was when we turned the road going into the town that things got a little more...fun.

"Are we there yet?" was heard like forty times since getting off the expressway, the stupid town was far. Then it started raining HARD, the kind that suddenly cuts off your line of vision. This is where the fun started. First, Banana forgot how to signal and almost broke off that signalling thingie. Then, when asked why is she not turning on the wipers when we cannot see a damn thing four inches from the windshield, she answered with a blood-chilling "I don't know how."

I found the wiper thingie, and she turned it on. It was very slow and wasn't any help at all. We asked her to turn it full blast, "Oh, it can go faster?" Finally, she found out how. We drove on for a bit, then..."My head hurts from watching the wipers."

See, I could have died.

After 48 years we finally got here.



Yeah, it's crap. But we had fun. We swam on their wading pool and ate and drank and had a run on the swings. We even got to start the barbeque, at 11:00 p.m.

"I'm hungry. I want rice and liempo."
"Me too. Hey, we can cook it now."
"Yeah, we have the liempo and the rice. And hotdogs."
"Do you know how to start a fire?"
"No."
Pause.
"We can try."
"Okay. Do we need charcoal?"

Banana's solution was to light a flat page of newspaper on all four corners, then once it burned she dumped a whole bag of charcoal over it. Needless to say, it took us a while. But we finally got it lit up, and started cooking.

"How do you know if it's done?"
"Just don't burn it. Black meat is not good."
"Uh huh. Black like this?"

It was a good meal.

The next day was for fishing. We rented rods and got bait (Lala fish crackers, moist) and positioned ourselves around the pond. One thing about fishes, they don't like noise. You should try not to talk or move or breathe because they get scared easy. Fishing requires strategy. First, we lured them to our side with food, like hey, free food for everybody! No hooks! Then, just when they are beginning to trust you, you throw out that hook, line, and sinker.

Then you wait. And wait. And wait some more. Because the stupid fishes are not so stupid after all. They grin their evil grins down there while munching the bait around the hook. Still, every village has an idiot, we managed to catch some. Baby fishes mostly, we had to do the slimy smelly task of unhooking them and throwing them back out to the water. The big ones are a little harder to unhook, they flip out. I mean, dude, stay calm while I unhook you to put you in the pail. It's gonna get worse, man.

It was fun and satisfying, the feeling of something heavy tugging your line is exciting. In fact, I caught this baby.


He (I think it's a boy, he has a mustache) was pretty big compared to the pitiful tilapia we caught earlier. He got me waiting a good ten minutes before he finally, voluntarily, hooked his upper lip and sacrificed himself as my dinner.

Friday's Feast 112

Appetizer
Measured in minutes or hours, how much exercise have you had in the last week?
Does walking a lot count? I might have walked four miles in one day, who knows. For work. And I'm not even a messenger or a mailman or raising funds for charity.

Soup
If you had to change your blog title to something else, what would it be?
I have no desire to do so. Oh wait, maybe something like "The All Knowing, All Powerful, Omnipotent Goddess of the Workstation".

Salad
Name one television show you watched when you were 9-12 years old.
Wonder Woman starring Lynda Carter. We tried to transform into a two-piece-wearing cowgirl by spinning around and around, but the only thing that we succeeded at was puking our brains out.

Main Course
If someone gave you $50 to spend with the one condition that it had to be educational, what would you purchase?
Duh. That's a lot of books, man.

Dessert
Do you tend to prefer dark colors, neutral shades, or lighter/pastel hues?
It depends on my mood, but usually I prefer dark colors. Terno sa budhi.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Something Yummy

We've got something else cooking in that other side of the blogosphere. It's a nice change from talking about my life, which is not too exciting to begin with. My blog is more exciting that my life.

Please do come visit, we are launching it sooner than you can say "paradigm shift".

Appearances Are Deceiving

Ang uto-uto ko talaga.

I saw Paolo Santos perform like, five songs, live. Suddenly he's my crush. Stupid, right? I mean, look at him.



Not exactly a Dennis Trillo. But there is this something about celebrities that hooks you when you see them up close and personal. They all have this je ne sais quoi (naks, French) about them, a charisma that transcends the physical.

Take, for example, Robin Padilla. Sure he's good looking. Sure he can act, given the right material and a director who can bring it out in him, a good son and brother maybe. But that's it. He's a certified womanizer, arrogant, irresponsible, impulsive, etc. Definitely not a boyfriend-for-keeps. Some people can't understand why he keeps getting alta sociedad girls like Kris Aquino and Sharon Cuneta. I don't even try getting it, partly because it's one of life's mysteries, and partly because I secretly wanted to be one of Robin's girls. Hey, in my defense, I was in high school – my hormones were a confused mess then.

Years later when my hormones have been rewired into some sort of working order, I forgot all about my Robin Padilla phase and was actually embarrassed by it. One time, by a twist of fate (actually I twisted the arm of the person to let me see Robin) I finally saw him in person. They were shooting a movie, and by bribing somebody with promises of an all-you-can-eat siopao binge, I managed to sneak a peek.

He was standing a few feet from me, talking to some people and holding a cigarette. He was wearing one of those cowboy shirts in red and blue, black jeans and boots. It was like looking at the meaning of life -- my brain was working in overdrive, repeating "Now I know" over and over again.

He is definitely good looking; not cute, think handsome with rough edges. But that's not it – he is MAN. All the stereotyping girls did of what a real man is supposed to look like, that's Robin up front. I thought that if he ever so much as glanced in my general direction, I would offer him my heart and soul for him to grind into a hamburger and enjoy.

He drips of raw sex appeal, never mind the slurring. In fact it's like the cherry -- no, i don't like cherries -- it's like the extra sprinkling of chocolate powder on a grande mocha frappuccino with vanilla ice cream (instead of whipped cream) and chocolate syrup. Yeah, that's it.

Oh God, where's my coffee?

Friday, September 15, 2006

Friday's Feast 111

Appetizer
What was the very last song you listened to?
Ewan, a remake of the Apo hit by Imago. I liked it (my favorite actually), but some of the songs in that album could have been made a little better. I don't like Barbie's version of When I Met You, I kept hearing Sunsilk commercials.

Soup
What is one company/store/corporation you would recommend that people stay away from?
I don't know. Who's to say what's evil and what's not re corporations and globalization?

Salad
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy having your picture made?
5, there's always a 50-50 chance that I come out less than human. I need ample warning when I know my picture is being taken.

Main Course
Besides a bookmark, what is something you've used to keep your place in a book?
Used phone cards, tissue, torn paper, sometimes I even jam my phone in the middle of the book just to avoid dog-earing; I hate hate hate people who do that. No respect for the sanctity of the written word.

Dessert
Name a food that you like that most people don't.
Kiamoy, that weird chinese delicacy. If confusion were made into food, it would be kiamoy. Is it sweet, sour, salty, or just plain disgusting? I like it.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Of Having No Sense of Direction

First of all, let me just get this out before my overwhelming desire for him turns my brains into mush, Patrick Dempsey is HoTTTT.

Moment over, thank you for indulging me.

So there I was last Saturday, starting to molt to the couch, my fingers orange from eating Cheese Rings (the one with Astroboy printed on the bag) all the while trying to finish The Nanny Diaries at the same time deciphering the mystery that is Startalk. I desperately wanted to do something, anything, which will not require me to take a bath. I can’t bring myself to move that day, and I was still in my pajamas at two in the afternoon.

I perked up when Banana mentioned they're going to Carriedo to find some GameBoy cartridges. Now there's a plan. I can get out of my catatonia by assaulting all of my five senses simultaneously, only possible by going to places like Quiapo. I volunteered to hold their umbrella if they'll take me and not let me get lost.

For a while we debated if we're going to drive there or just take the easy way: the train. Banana has only been driving for a month and it might take another month for us to get there judging from the conversation we had.

"Is there valet parking in Ongpin?"
"I don't know."
"Well, do you know the way to Ongpin by land?"
"No. Do you?"
"I think. I know we have to pass a bridge."
"Which bridge?"
"Nagtahan?"
"But that's like in Malacanang."
"So what bridge should we cross?"
"Hey, you're the one who enrolled in driving school."
"It's the bridge with the nice lights."
"Ayala bridge?"
"Isn't that in Makati?"
"Take the train?"
"Okay."

Armed with our stored value cards and the promised umbrella, we crossed Avenida to take the LRT. We chose to enjoy the view along the way, the view I must have seen ten million times when I worked in my old office. We also had a few idiotic exchanges.

"What cemetery is that?"
"The Chinese Cemetery."
"Oh, so that's the North Cemetery?"
"No. It's the Chinese Cemetery."
"So where is North?"
"Below South?"
Pause.
"Isn't North above South?"
"Hey, you're the one who enrolled in driving school."

"Look, there's so many people."
"Because that's a market."
"What market?"
"The one with the railroad tracks."

"Where are we supposed to get off to go to Carriedo?"
"Uh...Bambang?"
"I think Doroteo Jose."

It's a miracle we managed to get there at all. To think we have an eight-year old with us, albeit with more wisdom. ("Sa Carriedo po tayo bababa dapat.")

At least Banana knew how to get to the church, for a few minutes we weren't such morons. Until we got to the supposed building that houses the GameBoy cartridges.

"So where is the building? I only see beads here."
"It's a building with an escalator."
"Should we ask around if there's a building with an escalator near here?"
"No, they might think we're stupid."
They might have a point.

Finally, we see an escalator, thankfully with a building. Banana said it was familiar enough, so we went up to the second floor. The saga of the idiots continue.

"This is a big place. Where's the store?"
"I can't remember where."
"Well, there are a lot of stores here. Which side?"
"All I remember is that it sells a lot of GameBoy cartridges."
"That's helpful. What else?"
"Ummm...the seller wears a cap. And a green shirt."
For someone who can't remember where a building is, that's a pretty good recollection. I wonder if she remembers her past life.

When we finally found the store we were so tired having gone around at least four times in each floor, and there are four stories in that building with the escalator. I told her to buy everything so we don't have to go back when our eight-year old gets another Honors award. She can just keep it and ration to the kid as the need arises. We ended up buying two.

We went back to the ground floor, and promptly got lost on our way back to the church. I saw the beads again.

"Hey, there are a lot of beads here. Is this the building with the NBI upstairs?"

Obviously not. This is the freaking building with the stupid escalator that houses the store that sells GameBoy cartridges, all in a parallel universe.

I was so drained by that trip I ate half a Primo Pizza. And had my fortune told, but that's another story.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Friday's Feast 110

Appetizer
Name 3 things that you are wearing today.
Black shirt, jeans, and Havaianas high.

Soup
Who was the last person you hugged?
B.

Salad
What do you like to order from your favorite fast food place?
Two piece chicken, original recipe (KFC). Shaker Fries Sour Cream and Caramel Sundae (McDonalds).

Main Course
What time of day do you usually feel most energized?
Lately, I always feel tired and sleepy. It differs though, but definitely not before lunchtime. I am not a morning person, I usually growl my way until I've had my caffeine fix, then become catatonic until noon. Then I switch to being lethargic, until about 3pm, then suddenly I have this burst of energy to last me until 10 in the evening. It's all downhill from there.

Dessert
Using the letters in your first name, write a sentence.
RED - Reminiscing Ends at Death.


PS: The whole building has no power, and it's totally dark and scary here and where the hell is Banana who I'm supposed to meet like an hour ago so we can stuff our mouths with Mocha Mint Caramel.

Dammit.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Point Me to Nowhere

"I like DEAD END signs...I think they're kind. They at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere."
- Bugs Bunny

Now if only life had directional signs, most of us would really appreciate it. But the universe is a funny one, it sends us coded signs and sometimes so hidden if you so much as blinked you'd miss it.

I was never someone who would ask for signs to guide me in my decisions. I was of the Who-Cares-I'm-Gonna-Do-It-Anyway school. Looking back though, I'm not sure it was a good guide to life.

Still, I'm happy, and I was also never one to have regrets. I believe all those screw-ups contributed to what I am right now, and right now is looking good.

I'm fine.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Addicted

It's only been two weeks and I'm already popping pills. My head is throbbing before noon, and I desperately need to lie down.

I am in a perpetual state of frenzy, there are a hundred things to do RIGHT NOW, and two hundred things that are not so urgent. Papers for filing are threatening to swallow me, and the only mark I will leave so people will know I existed is the assprint on this chair.

But still, cheers to the job that pays the rent.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

My Favorite Quotes

Chance is perhaps the pseudonym of God when he does not wish to sign his work.
Anatole France (1844 - 1924)
There really are no coincidences.

The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it.
Alan Saporta
Can't emphasize it often enough.

It is good to rub and polish our brain against that of others.
Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
My father used to say, "Always surround yourself with people you will learn something good from. Don't associate yourself with people you know will just bring you down with them."

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.
Nora Ephron
The mark of true geniuses. Which I am not.

To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable. The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy.
Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Because there are times when you win the battle but lose the war. I really should buy this book.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
George Santayana (1863 - 1952)
Remember your History 101. Where did I go wrong?

If you sit by the river long enough, you will see the body of your enemy float by.
Japanese Proverb
Good things come to those who wait. {Cue evil laughter}

If you really do put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price.
Anonymous
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. Was that Eleanor Roosevelt?

Cowardly dogs bark loudest.
John Webster (1580 - 1625), The White Devil (1612)
That's why palengkeras never win.

I Cannot Think

The last few entries are just forwarded mails, which, as my addled brain could barely comprehend, I found funny. They are, actually, but I really want to write something with sense.

It's difficult to think for myself nowadays, it's like somebody unleashed a truckful of chimpanzees on uppers inside my brain. My workload has tripled, my filing backlog has gone the same way, and I don't see the light at the end of tunnel.

In a way, it's good that I am so busy that I cannot think. If I did, my brain would probably be fried by now. And I really don't want to go down that road, it's unhealthy. I have no energy left to wax nostalgic and lyrical about the could-have-beens.

If the bumping off of Pluto is a sign, then maybe I should just follow its lead. Make a new criteria and fling off everything that doesn't chalk up. I am getting older, and this is the time in my life when the decisions I am supposed to be making last me a lifetime.

When you're young and you screw up, that's ok. You have the excuse of youth to back you up. But I'm 30, and I don't want to be just a passenger in my own journey. I'm in charge here, and I don't want to wake up one day 20 years later, feeling like such a loser for not doing anything about my life.

It's not like I'm not doing anything, I'm actually pretty ok. I work in a respectable organization that pays well (and we help the world to be a better place), I'm insured even if I decide on my own that this world suck so much I have to take off by slitting my wrists (I'd really rather not), I go to school (although not right now), I learn new things (bonjour! menage-a-trois?), I have friends (and gaining new ones), I'm smart (believe it or die), I have savings (pitiful but still), and I believe in myself.

Now if only I can get Dennis Trillo to read this, I will know happiness.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Ded Shit on Sale







Pictures stolen from Witerary.com, click to enlarge. Now who doesn't want to live in the Banana Republic?

Retribution

Good things come to those who wait.

It turns out that a friend of a friend of a friend is somebody special at the call center industry, in particular an organization where almost all call centers and third-party agents are members.

So I asked her if so-and-so company is a member, she said she will check but it most probably is. I told her about this incident, and she said I could file an official complaint. All I have to do is to present evidence (done), witnesses (done), and other relevant information. They will investigate the person, and if found guilty, will be chucked out of the company before she can say "bitch", and will be blacklisted in ALL call centers.

That's right, I don't get mad, I get even. And yeah, I'm a bitch, and you are just about to discover just how much, you sick, pathetic fuck.

Monday, September 04, 2006

MisQuips

From a forwarded email. Never fails to make me laugh, and I can imagine the types of people who would say such things in all seriousness. I am not stereotyping people who would have such (physical) looks, but generally they are the kind who are "feeling". As in feeling intellectual, feeling sosyal, feeling you're-so-beneath-me-so-I-will-talk-in-English.

Some Pinoy misquips:

"Guys, let's call it tonight!"
"All of a suddenly..."
"C'mon! Let's get it on with it!"
"When it rains, it's four."
"Thanks God!"
"The nerves!" or "The nerd!" (I actually use this.)
"The idea crossed at the back of my mind."
"(name of person), eat your hat out!"
"This is our rooster of clients..."
"The more the manyer."
"It's a no-win-win situation."
"Burn the bridge when you get there." (So they can't follow you.)
"Anulled and void."
"Mute and academic."
"C'mon let's join us!"
"If worse comes to shove."
"Are you joking my leg?"
"It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore."
"What are friends are for?"
"You can never can tell."
"Well well well. Look do we have here!"
"Let's give them a big hand of applause."
"Been there, been that."
"Forget it about it."
"Give him the benefit of the daw."
"It's a blessing in the sky."
"Right there and right then."
"Where'd you came from?"
"Take things first at a time."
"You're barking at the wrong dog."
"You want to have your cake and bake it too."
"First and for all"
"Now and there."
"I'm only human nature."
"The sky's the langit."
"That's what I'm talking about it."
"One of these days is not like the other."
"So far, so good, so far."
"Time is of the elements."
"In the wink of an eye."
"The feeling is actual."
"For all intense and purposes."
"I ran into some errands."
"Hi. I'm (state your name), what's yours?"
"What is the world is coming to?"
"What is the next that is?"
"Get the most of both worlds."
"Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila."
"Whatever you say so."
"Base-to-base casis."
"My answers have been prayered."
"Please me alone!"
"It's as brand as new."
"So... what's a beautiful girl like you?...."
"I can't take it anymore of this!"
"Are you sure ka na ba?"
"Can't you just cut me some slacks?"
"I couldn't care a damn!"
"what's your next class before this?"
"nothing in this world is perfect except the word change."
"Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top?"
"my dad brought home a lot of hand-me-downs!"
"standard & chartered bank"
"I'm very iterated!"
"I'm sorry, my boss just passed away." (translation: kakadaan lang ng boss nya.)
"Hello, my boss is out of town, would you like to wait?" (Sure, why not.)
"What happened after the erection of Mayon Volcano?" (It...exploded?)
"Don't touch me not!"
"Hello... for a while, please hang yourself..."
"It's spilled milk under the bridge."
"Don't change anything! keep it at ease."
"Hello Mcdo, mag-iinquire lang ako kung magkano ang kidney meal?"
"Out of fit ako these days e..."
"Bring down the house down!"

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Procrastination is the Devil's Tool

So here I am at the office, staring blankly at the monitor. I came here to work, not stare off into space.

I'm supposed to be sorting out these motherlode of documents that exploded in my workstation. Seriously, I think there's a whole tree worth of paper here. How's that for caring about the environment? Which, incidentally, is something that's been occupying 90% of my time lately.

I can't even bring myself to begin. I think I need someone breathing down my neck for things like this. Sometimes I feel I need pressure in my life, otherwise I'd just be this lump in front of the TV thinking about Dennis Trillo.

The copy room is locked. I like making photocopies -- I push a few buttons then I sit down to wait. It's like I'm working but not really. I even like the sound the machine makes, a sort of regular mechanical belching.

Now I'm here blogging, and goshdarnit Bridget Jones, I can't believe you'd choose to get laid rather than going out with ME. That puto pao and okoy better be great.

See ya, ning!

Friday, September 01, 2006

Friday's Feast 109

Appetizer
What are some lyrics you have misheard (such as, instead of "Gettin' Jiggy With It" you heard "Kick a chicken with it")?
Can't remember any, but my cousin used to sing Jingle Bells this way:

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
Oraspan the little one
In a one hep hep hep hey!

Soup
What is the worst movie you have ever seen?
A lot. You won't believe the crap they're churning out these days. For Filipino movies, it would have to be anything with Bayani Agbayani or Jimmy Santos in it. For English, those stupid action movies, usually it stars Steven Seagal or Jean Claude van Damme.

Salad
Using the letters from your favorite number, write a sentence. Example: Tomorrow has really easy experiences.
NINE - No ice, no entry.
What kind of place is that?

Main Course
What was the most interesting news story you have heard this week?
That Pluto got bumped off the planet list. That really sucks. What if Pluto was my ruling planet, does that mean I am lost forever? Fortunately, my planet is Venus and I don't see Venus getting bumped off any list. She's the Earth's twin! What else am I supposed to believe in now, that the sun is the center of the solar system?

Dessert
Which word(s) would you choose to describe your wardrobe?
Blech. Or maybe just ordinary. Let's settle for ordinary.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Rhythm is Gonna Get You

I just came from watching the company's annual dance concert. The Dance Guild stages these concerts as a kind of recital for those who joined the summer dance workshop.

They were good, and dance numbers are always entertaining. They did the tango, belly dance, jazz, hip hop, ballet (sorta), and disco dancing. I liked the disco dancing best; sometimes I feel I should have lived the prime of my life in the 70's, there's just so much happening even if there is the Martial Law hanging over their heads.

I just realized how much I miss dancing. I can't even remember the last time I went. Maybe because of the proliferation of house music; I can't dance to something that reminds me of passing out.

I just want to dance, you know, from the gut. I want to move my body how the music tells me to. It doesn't have to be elaborate steps or difficult choreography, just moving to the music. I like to believe that I got rhythm, that I can move properly to the music. I am not in any chance great, oh no, but baby, I betcha I can dance.

That buzz I feel when I'm in the treadmill is nothing, nothing compared to the buzz when dancing. It's a way of interpreting the song other than singing it. But I can't do the choreographed thing, where I have to move in time with other people doing the same exact move. Can't remember the steps.

Somebody please take me dancing.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Velveteen Rabbit


I got this from Ali's blog. I haven't read The Velveteen Rabbit but this excerpt made me think.

Excerpt from The Velveteen Rabbit
By Margery Williams

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room.

"Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but Really loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get all loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

------

I'm getting that book. I want to be Real someday.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Ang Pagtataksil


Paminsan-minsan, minsan lang naman, sumasagi sa isip ko na magtaksil kay Dennis Trillo.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Friday's Feast 108

Appetizer
If you could have a free subscription to magazine, which one would you like to have?
This could take a while, I cannot choose only one. I would like to have Popular Photography, Cosmopolitan, Time, People, Newsweek, and Us Weekly. A good mix of the informative and tabloidal, with a smattering of the shallowness that inhibits us all.

Soup
Describe your living room (furnishings, colors, etc.).
Nothing great, nothing unusual. It's just a white linoleum with mint green walls and black furniture. Whatever statement we are trying to make is not getting through -- either that or it's not relevant enough. Besides, it's not mine. Assuming that I have the money and the help to keep it clean, my living room would consist of a large comfy couch (not leather and not denim), several throw pillows, a plush carpet, a tall lamp I can dim, bean bags, books and magazines, and a home entertainment system. Maybe a big dog, if it's fully trained. Dennis Trillo would also be nice in my living room. And bedroom.

Salad
What does the shape of a circle make you think of?
A lot of things. Something to color. A baby's face. The never ending cycle of life and misery.

Main Course
Name 3 things in your life that you consider to be absolute necessities.
Food, clothing and shelter. To be absolutely materialistic, I guess it would have to be my cellphone, computer with Internet access, and my ATM (assuming it's not empty). On a different perspective, my three absolute necessities would be taking a shower, my bed, and my current home entertainment system which consists of a hand-me-down TV and a pirated DVD player. And DVDs of course.

Dessert
What was the last really funny movie you watched?
Haven't had the chance to watch a lot of movies recently. But I remember laughing my ass off at Tanging Ina, it's really funny when you watch it for the first time. For English films, it's weird that I can't recall any. First thing that comes to mind is Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels but that was a lifetime ago.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

In Limbo

Are we or are we not?

Some things are better left unsaid, but it's just so confusing. I am this close to exploding.

But before I do that, I'm just going to sue somebody.

Meanwhile, I want these.



Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Crossing the Line

I'm only one step ahead of heartbreak
one step ahead of misery
one step is all I have to take backwards,
to be the same old fool for you
I used to be
I'm only one step ahead of your arms
one kiss away from your sweet lips
I know I can't afford to stop for one moment
Cos I'm just out of reach of your fingertips
Your warm breath on my shoulder
Keeps reminding me
That it's too soon to forget you
It's too late to be free, can't you see?
I'm only one step ahead of your love
I try and yet I can't take two
Seems like I'll have to take that one step backwards
Cos one step ahead is a step too far away from you.
Cos one step ahead is a step too far away from you.
Just one step ahead is a step too far away from you.

- One Step Ahead, Aretha Franklin

Must. Control. Self.

"Where were you when I called five minutes ago?"

I replied "I was running some errands."

What I would really like to say: "Out partying. Yeah. At nine in the morning."

"For whom?'

"For {boss' name}."

What I would really like to say: "For somebody equally important as you."

I need fresh doses of diplomacy and self-control.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Need...Energy...

I haven't had a chance to get decent rest since I arrived from vacation. I've been working late every single day, and man, am I tired. Right now all I want is to just plop in bed and sleep, but no, I still have that Everest of documents to plow through.

To top it all I'm typing this with the keyboard on my front and the monitor on my right. Ergonomics is a myth.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Everyone, I Would Like You to Meet the Object of My Desire


Tingnan mo naman yan, kundi ka maloka.

Friday's Feast 107

Soup
If you could wake up tomorrow with full training in another occupation and a job in that field, what would it be?
An award-winning Hollywood actress earning $20 million per picture. Hey, it comes with full training, right? So I assume I deserve that pay. But without all the shit that comes with being a big celebrity, I'm not a big fan of drugs.

Salad
How many times in your life have you had the flu (or something similar)?
Maybe once a year, I'm prone to sickness like that. The viruses stage a full production inside my body every time; they even let the understudies perform and sometimes they do an encore. They also never gave me a discount even though I'm such a frequent customer.

Main Course
What is something that has happened to you this week that you didn't expect?
Nothing really. Everything that happened was kind of simmering in the back burner for a while now. But being betrayed is still a kick in the gut that kinda leaves you breathless, whether you expect it or not.

Dessert
How old were you when you had your first kiss?
First real kiss? I was 18 and he was 22. I gave my heart to him on a silver platter and he promptly spit on it. And that is to be the cycle of all my succeeding lovelifes in the years to follow. They got creative over the years though, spitting on it was not enough; they stomped on, kicked, shredded, and chopped my heart into a million pieces. What's a girl to do?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Moonlight Over Paris

In pursuit of the Great French Dream -- sitting in a cafe in Paris sipping cafe au lait, wearing trenchcoats and stiletto boots, with a French poodle dyed a hideous pink beside us -- the Gels and I enrolled in French 1.

It was my first session today, and now I'm armed with the ability to tell people in French where I was last Sunday, and whether I am in London for work or for school. I can also introduce myself as Monsieur Leroy to Cora, because I am looking for Thomas Fonteneu.

So don't mess with me, I can either say hi or tell you what your mother is with a mere manipulation of the air in my throat.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Changes in my Life

Friend 1: So, you're like this really ugly caterpillar that turned into a butterfly. Bongga.
Friend 2: Tangek, she's like a basilisk that shed her old skin, but in the end she's still a basilisk.

Why am I friends with these people?

Friday, August 11, 2006

Friday's Feast 106

Appetizer
Tell about a toy you remember from your childhood.
I had this weird doll, her name was Negra because she was well, negra. She was a little black baby girl, except she doesn't have super curly hair. Instead, she had straight black hair in pigtails. Eventually her pigtails came off (I took it off) but her hair stayed up in two sections, sort of like when a walis tambo gets worn, you know how it divides the middle? Like that. I also remember she had stumps for fingers and toes, but that's because I "trimmed" her nails with a nail cutter. She wasn't my favorite but I made it a point to play with her everyday because I thought she would feel bad if I didn't, and she might think it was because of her skin color. Of course it was not.

Soup
If you could make one thing in the world absolutely free for everyone, what would it be?
Education. But then again people might not take it seriously because it's free. They should just impose punishments if students don't finish a course. Wi-fi should also be free. I still haven't used Maki's wi-fi, because places who have free wi-fi charges $5 for coffee. Uhm, are you freaking kidding?

Salad
Approximately how many times per day do you think about your significant other?
Too embarrassing to reveal here. I'd say more than the times I think about the state of my bank account, and if you knew the state of my bank account you'd be obsessing about it too.

Main Course
What is something you believe in 100%?
I really don't know. Maybe I can believe in the assurance that the sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there'll be sun. Seriously, I don't think I'm capable of dumping all my faith on one thing. If it all collapses I wouldn't have anything left.

Dessert
Name one thing you have done this week that you would consider a "good deed."
Killing a cockroach. Yey. I'm Erin Brockovich.