Friday, May 27, 2005

When All is Not What it Seems

For a long time I was in my comfort zone. I was happy and content with how my life is progressing, that I had my family and friends I can trust.

Suddenly, the rug was pulled beneath me and my world is upside down. Things were a mess wherever I looked, and the usual people I can turn to suddenly turned threatening. I don't know what to think anymore.

It's funny how the world I've come to know can change in a matter of minutes. Everything that I've gotten used to is gone. Sometimes I feel trapped and paranoid of everything. Nothing is what it seems anymore.

One thing remained constant though, and I'm happy that it is. It's the one thing, the only thing that keeps me sane through all of this.

I don't know how long this will last, but I hope not forever. In the overall grand scheme of the universe, would this be a triviality?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Revenge of the PakinSith (brought to you by Taco Bell)

(Hindi ito ang original post, madami na kong nasulat kanina tapos biglang nag-hang ang magaling na PLDT Vibe. To the customer service people, di pa tayo tapos.)

Dahil feel ko nga na free na ako from my self-imposed depression period, I went to see the latest Star Wars movie with my family at Gateway on the opening night. First time ko manood dun, and it was ok. Para na rin syang G4. Eh maningil ba naman ang mga linsyak ng 140 pesosesoses each dapat lang naman sigurong maganda sya diva. Type ko rin ang food court nila kasi may real tables and chairs, not the mess hall thingies that SM food court has.

Kasama namin si Mother Bear at nakamega porma pa nga sya ng all black. Mukha syang donya at kami ang kanyang mga aliping sagigilid. Ewan ko lang kung na-gets nya ang movie. Sabi nya maganda naman daw, sa sobrang ganda nga eh nakatulog sya. Kaya nung nagjoke sya later in life about the dark side of the force, eh nagulat kaming lahat. May napanood din naman pala sya at hindi nasayang ang 140 pesosesoses.

Before that, I had the chance to try Taco Bell and got their Soft Taco chuva. Hindi sya mura ha, at nung nagkadaupang palad na kami ni Soft Taco special eh gusto kong ibato pabalik sa kanila. Powtah, makapal pa ang make up ng officemate ko sa laman ng taco nila no. Masarap naman, kaya lang hindi talaga umabot sa esophagus ko ang pinagmamalaki nilang Steak special. Kaya nung may nagbigay sa kin ng feedback form, kinuha ko talaga at dinaot daot ko sila. Makonsensya kayo, mga biktima ng kapitalismo! Mga tuta ng Kano! Ibagsak! Sorry, carried away. So ang ending, tumawid tuloy ako sa Dimsum n Dumplings at umorder ng chili crab dumplings. Peborit namin dati to ni Jepoy Baboy pag feel naming lumamon ng dimsum na medyo mas sosyal sa Hen Lin. Medyo maalat, pero masarap pa rin.

Back to Star War (sic) na tayo.

Seriously, this is the first time I actually understood a Star Wars prequel. The first two were just a blur. I only remembered the Phantom Menace because of that despicable creature called JarJar Binks, mainly because I was torn between annoyance and hatred. The Attack of the Clones registered for one thing only – the laser sword fight scene between Yoda and Count Dooku. That was great, can you please do it again.

Revenge of the Sith focuses on how Darth Vader came to be, and how the twins got separated from each other. As I’ve said, I was able to follow the storyline but I’m not saying it’s a great movie.

Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman look like they’re always competing with each other on who gets the most beautiful angles. I have no objection to that, but Yoda still has the most fans. The audience applauded the scene where Yoda entered Palpatine’s room and the guards TRIED to stop him. Coolness. Wish I could do that to some people.

Yoda got a lot of close-ups in this movie. I know I said Yoda can be cool, but close-ups just aren’t his thing. He’s in dire need of moisturizer, lip balm, and conditioner. I don’t know how old he is, but he cannot be younger than those giant trees in California(?). He is so dry I’m afraid a spark could set him on fire.

And why did Christensen had Botox treatment while filming Sith? What? He did not? Oh.

Scene: He goes to Padme, seeing her for the first time after the rescue operation. He hugs her tight and kisses her. I think this scene requires him to look like he terribly missed her.
Christensen’s Facial Expression: None.

Scene: Suddenly wakes up after a bad dream. Supposed to look tense and brooding.
Christensen’s Facial Expression: None.

Scene: He accepts Darth Sidious as his mentor, thereby officially crossing to the dark side. This should be one of the most intense scenes in the movie, or even the trilogy.
Christensen’s Facial Expression: None.

Scene: Slowly being burned by the red hot soil, after being thrown by Obi-Wan (we’ll get to Obi Baby later). He was supposed to be in terrible pain.
Christensen’s Facial Expression: Except for the bulging red eyes, none.

Was it just me, or was Anakin’s official acceptance of the Darth Vader title really did seem to be terribly underplayed? Palpatine’s mask offered more depth than Anakin’s reaction.

And oh, Obi baby, Ewan, you know I love you…but everytime I hear that accent I expect you to break into a song. I can’t seem to stop seeing you as Catcher Block. I was even half-expecting/hoping you would put on shades. What’s with the “Another happy landing”? Your facial expression said “Who the f*ck wrote this?” And why weren’t you burned in that magma? I know lava is hot, but during your fight scene with Anakin nobody seemed to mind at all.

All in all, it was ok. The thing I can't get over though, is the coughing General Grievous. He's a robot, right? Why would robots cough? I haven't seen any explanation of this from all the Star Wars write up I've read.

Anyway, if you've actually seen the movie check out Badinggerzie's translation. What the heck, even if you haven't seen it, the entry is a riot.


* Dami ko gustong i-title dito: When the Sith Hits the Fan, Just a Lot of Bull Sith, or the Yoda-speak Sith You, Perhaps Not.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Britney's Baby

All this hoopla about Britney's marrying a CBA (celebrity by association) and getting pregnant -- now the unborn child is blogging. Meet Fetus Spears.

I'm currently listening to a podcast of Fetus Spears. It's creepy funny, sort of Chuckie doing stand up comedy.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Tapos na po Ako Mag-inarte

Ayoko na magdepress-depressan, magbitter-bitteran, maglungkot-lungkutan. Ayoko na. Mahal ang Prozac kung sakali at ayoko makipag-appointment sa psychiatrist dahil lang gusto ko magpareseta ng sleeping pills. Mahal ang oras ko.

Oweno ngayon kung pakinshet ang buhay ko as of this moment. Ganyan naman talaga ang life, hindi pwedeng palaging masaya. Kung bakit hindi, eh siguro malalaman na lang natin pag kaharap na natin ang Diyos pag nashigok na tayo. Yun eh kung maalala mo syang tanungin, o kung taranta ever ka na kasi parang hindi ka nya papapasukin.

Saka I'm sure di lang naman ako ang ganito ngayon, diva diva? Ang kelangan ko lang gawin eh tumingin sa paligid ko, para makonsensya naman ako na eto lang eh pinoproblema ko na. Samantalang yung ibang tao di nila alam kung kakain ba sila mamaya o kung may tutulugan sila. Pag nakakakita ako ng ganun, humihingi agad ako ng tawad sa Diyos sa pag-iinarte ko. Baka kasi mapikon sa kin at tuluyan na kong tadyakan, instead na pitik lang.

Ok naman ako eh. Ok naman ang buhay ko. May trabaho, may pamilya, may mga kaibigan, may konting pera na pambili ng mga hindi kailangan. Wala nga lang yung talagang gusto kong magkaron. Pero dadating din yun...eynimomentz sabi nga ni Badinggerzie.

Sana tulungan din ako ng Diwata. Sana. Ngayon pa lang, alam ko na ang hihilingin ko sa kanya.


Tuesday, May 17, 2005


I have been depressed lately, and was moping around trying to un-depress (is there such a word) myself. I was bloghopping (my favorite thing to do lately) and came upon this site. It's about somebody who is very confident with who he is and what he wants and doesn't care about what other people say, and I think we should all be a little like him to be happy. Sure, he has his own problems and issues to deal with like the rest of us, but it doesn't have to get in the way of trying to find happiness.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a pathetic little doormat that you can push around. Very far from it. But I am also human, and I get affected whenever people say things about me. I think it's normal to want your friends' good opinions about yourself, what's wrong with that? But there are times when people go in different directions, although it doesn't mean you already hate him or her. It just happened that you believe in different things, and therefore differ in your ways of life.

Maybe in life, we should learn how to balance compassion with indifference. We cannot please everybody, but there are also things that are bad however you look at them. Conflicting views on one thing does not mean a fight, nor necessarily lead to it. Do I make sense? Whatever.

Just go visit the site, it's pure aliw. Not that he needs the traffic, he barely been up for a month but he gets an awful lot of views already. :-)

Friday, May 13, 2005

Where's Freddy?

It's Friday the 13th. Creepy, creepy.

This is supposed to be a very unlucky day. With the state of mind I am in today, I hope I get hit by a truck when I come out on the streets. Or a stray bullet hits me on the head, just like that. I am not being romantic or overly-dramatic, today I just wanna die.

I thought about dying, and I discovered I'm not scared at all. I imagined leaving my corporeal body and seeing the light, then explaining to St Peter why am I there. I haven't done any major crimes during my lifetime, and I have made peace with myself. I think I'm qualified for the Second Level of Hell. Hey, it goes up to the Seventh, just like there is Nirvana in Heaven.

I don't want to die just because, and I don't think it's dying I want exactly, more of like ceasing to exist. But that can't happen unless I die, right?

Would I miss a lot? Would I be missed? What would people say on my wake? How would people describe me to others that can't remember who I am?

"Sya yung katabi mo sa seminar..."
"Yung nakared lagi..."

I don't know if I will have an epitaph, since I couldn't care less whether they'll bury me or cremate me or (jologs itich) just roll me in a banig and throw me in the Pasig river. But if I do, I want this to appear on my grave:

Came: 24 April 1976
Went: xx xxxx xxxx
"It was fun while it lasted"

Morbid as it is, we're all gonna go there. Freddy, take me.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

This Makes the Headlines?

Geez. This is interesting? Nothing out of the ordinary. In fact, he lacks a production number. He should hire off duty Hooter girls and make them dance the Chupeta while he's at it.

I have a headache so bad the only thing that can upstage it is if Brad Pitt suddenly shows up on my workstation, naked. This headache is so bad it makes me do things I would not remember the next day. Like feeding the pond fishes tissue paper.

I'm off, ta.

My Bohol Friend

Bohol was wonderful. We made a new friend, Yvonne. She was our next door neighbor in the resort. We also got to see the tarsiers, who have their own personalities. There was also this island where there are lots and lots of starfishes of different kinds. Will post pics once I figure out how to upload multiple images. I had the greatest time.

Even Mutants Get Sick

It's been four days since I've been back at work, but my brain is still on vacation mode. I think I fell asleep for 5 minutes right here in my station. This is unacceptable! Napping should be done at home, and not at the office. That's why I'm thinking about playing hookey.

Unless I actually have horns sticking out of my head and my father's name is Beelzebub, I can't do that. Haven't even been here a week and now I'm considering going home sleeping? Abomination.

In fairness to my evil self, I am sick. I have this horrible cough that won't go away. It started last week as tonsillitis, I spent the whole time at the boat sleeping. Then it progressed to a nasty cold, but was ignored because it's impossible to not go snorkeling while in Balicasag. I popped Decolgen in my mouth like it was popcorn. I survived that, but then came this awful cough.

Have you ever coughed so hard and long that it made you throw up your dinner? Or coughed continously for one whole minute? I did all that, now my throat is raw and my voice gone. Surrendering to the pressure of the viruses, I went to the doctor and got me some antibiotics.

I'm not a big fan of taking medicines, especially the fact that you have to take it at a certain time. So I got the first capsule, tore off the foil, and attempted to put the capsule in my mouth straight from the wrapper.

In a split second I was in unbelievable torture; the capsule opened and almost all the powder inside went to my tongue. It's so fuckin' awful and horrible tasting that I threw up immediately. I was reminded of all the times I've been confined -- and I've always hated hospitals. Now I'm afraid to take another one.

I don't know what gave me the fever, the memories or the viruses. Right now I'm still coughing my guts out, and it's giving me a headache already.

Monday, May 09, 2005

Whatever, Losers

I don't know what to think or feel these days. I should be hung over still from my summer outings, high on sun, sea, sand, and surf. But no, some people made it a point that it would be ruined.

Summer was good. I was able to go with family and friends to exotic places. I went with my cousins for a Quezon roadtrip. I got the chance to go back to Palawan with my classmates from graduate school. For the first time I was able to go to Bohol and see the chocolate boobs and the tarsiers. The Bohol group was a little motley, at least one representative from each facet of my life was there.

There were the girls from my previous work, who have this habit of analyzing every breakup they know, complete with footnotes and references. My classmate from highschool, who I've left for dead only to find out he's very much alive. The two guys from college, whom I suspect is currently dating. One is openly gay, but for the other there's no closet big enough. And then there's this guy from the office.

Now, I am a private person. I don't like the idea of my life being discussed by other people, or at the very least holding their interest. I also don't subscribe to the idea of explaining to every other person on the planet why a certain part of my life is like this. Hindi ako artista, at lalong hindi ako showbiz. I find it very difficult to smile when all I feel for a person is loathing. I don't have nice words for someone I don't feel nice about. I don't owe anybody any explanation, especially if they are not affected at all. I only tolerate questions from people I know truly cares about me.

So when people are suddenly talking whether this guy from the office is my you know what, I don't know how to react. I don't want to be defensive about it, it will only make it worse. It's none of their business in the first place, and I don't understand why they are making such a big stoopid deal out of something they are not so sure about. Are they affected in some way? They seem to take it all personally, as if we've taken a big stick and smashed their heads. It would be great if I take that stick, though.

I admit I do indulge in a little gossip (who doesn't), but my general attitude towards it is a really-ok-let's move on kind of thing. I don't live my life to gossip about other people, if I happen to hear about it then that's it. But you won't believe these people, they go out of their way to hear the latest about other people's lives. My goodness gracious, I'm not a daughter of a president who suddenly contracted STD from her balding boyfriend! Has life become one great big reality show, that only exists for entertainment?

I have the kind of personality that could be indifferent in a bad way. If I lose all interest in something, that something could drop dead or explode in front in me and I would just shrug. Right now I'm beginning to lose all interest in this issue to the point of catatonia but if I really lose it that's when they should start to worry.

Only losers who are lower than the fungus that feeds on pond scum can be that interested with my life. Sometimes I wish all they talk about is true, at last my life would have some points of interest when I finally write my memoirs.