Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Bloody Hell

Haven't posted anything with some amount of sense these past few days. My brain is currently on leave. I am so tired, bone-tired, these days. Even my ever-reliable Berocca is starting to fail. Sometimes, when I'm really weak from lack of sleep and rest, I will myself to faint. But I can't.

Actually, I don't remember a time I ever lost consciousness. The closest I got to it was when I stupidly sliced my thumb on a newly opened can when I was 19. We had an electronic can opener then so you could imagine how smooth the cut was. So there I was in the kitchen, blood spurting out of my mutilated finger. There was blood everywhere -- the sink, the table, my shirt and slippers. I don't know why I bled that much, except maybe I kept my hands down and tried to wring out the offending red liquid.

I can't stand blood, especially blood from wounds, flowing and rich blood. I really can't look at it. It's life flowing out of the body, literally. I kept squeezing my thumb that day because I was stupid. Right. No, its because I thought that if I could somehow hasten the flowing, then no more blood would come out. Sort of getting it over with as soon as possible. Ok, it was stupid.

As a result, I don't know whether from the loss of blood or the sight of that much blood and knowing its mine, I broke out in a sweat. It was the wettest I have been in my life. Even when I went to the gym and did my psycho workout routine I never sweated that much. Every pore of my body was dripping, even my arms and legs were trickling down with sweat. I think it's shock or something like that. And then came the darkness.

It was weird. The darkness came from above, as if a black veil is slowly being lowered in front of you. You remember those scenes of Tom and Jerry pummeling each other and Tom has stars going around his head? It's true, I did see multicolored stars in the darkness. I fought against totally fainting for a number of reasons. First, I was alone in the house that if I fainted in my own mini-pool of blood it might look like it's worse than it is and move people to hysterics. Second, I know I will never hear the end of my cousins' teasing that I fainted because of a cut in my thumb.

My aunt arrived shortly after and treated the cut. Man, did it hurt. I was crying like a toddler the whole time, tears, sweat and snot mingling. I didn't care what I looked like, or that I was 19 and graduating from college. I bawled my tonsils out. After that I was so embarrassed and tired from crying I fell asleep while staring at the bandaged thumb, full of annoying self-pity. My cousins teased me anyway.

The cut was so deep it halved my fingerprint, a reminder of that bloody moment. But if you see a fingerprint like that on a crime scene, it's not necessarily me. Although I wouldn't totally write it off.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Mind State

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Ruby Is...

Got this from Googlisms, but I took out the uninteresting parts:

Ruby is love
Ruby is love tee
Ruby is found
Ruby is more
Ruby is gettin' hitched
Ruby is tasty (Hahahaha!!!)
Ruby is a spectacular 1950 ford two
Ruby is the best
Ruby is now online
Ruby is easy (I am???)
Ruby is highly portable (Read: kaladkarin sa lakwatsa)
Ruby is the red variety of the mineral corundum
Ruby is just is (I like this the best)
Ruby is the stone of royalty throughout the ages
Ruby is an object
Ruby is thus named because of its red color
Ruby is a gem
Ruby is exciting
Ruby is used
Ruby is known as the stone of love
Ruby is the name
Ruby is derived from the latin word for red
Ruby is a lovely breath of fresh air to me (I know)
Ruby is concise
Ruby is distinguished and known by all for its fiery red color
Ruby is derived from rose quartz
Ruby is appropriate for the fifteenth and fortieth wedding anniversary
Ruby is the "king of precious stones"
Ruby is celebrated in the bible and in ancient sanskrit writing as the most precious of all gems
Ruby is strong (Sometimes lang)
Ruby is so named because of its rich red color
Ruby is an interesting play
Ruby is a copycat
Ruby is an 0
Ruby is found in many places in the world
Ruby is an absolutely pure object
Ruby is almandine garnet

So you see, it would be madness to let me go.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Identity Crisis

I'm with the boys again. Little boys, silly, aged 5 and 7 since they had their birthdays last week. It's never boring to hear their views about life. For the sake of conversation we will call them Timon and Pumbaa.

Currently, we have somebody in the house to clean and cook for us temporarily until a more permanent one can be found. Well, she's a butch and her name is Cute. It's kinda ironic to call her that but I really can't do anything about it, can I? She won't answer to Puppy. Fine, I'm just kidding! Jeez...

So the two little boys are watching Idle Hands (yep, I let them be grossed out of their minds) and you know how it is with kids their age, their attention spans are as short as my fuse. Sometimes. So there they are, bored already with all the decapitating and the blood, and so they turned their attention to Tita Cute.

Timon: Tita Cute, are you a boy or a girl?
Pumbaa: You're so dumb, you can see she's a girl because she's a Tita.
Timon: But she looks like a boy...
Pumbaa: Tita Cute, do you have a tutoy?
Cute: Umuwi na nga kayo, mga bruhong bata to...isusumbong ko kayo sa mga nanay nyo. %#$*@#!!!
Pumbaa: You just said a bad word.
Timon: He's a boy, I told you. Boys say a lot of bad words.
Pumbaa: Tita Cute, can you repeat what you said?
Timon: I know it, don't worry. He said #$*@#!!!
Pumbaa: You're so smart. He said it really fast but you remembered it.
Timon:C'mon, repeat after me...Pu...

At this point I threatened them with watching Chicago instead, and a threat of exile to their school principal's house for good measure. God, how can parents stand their kids?

PMS is NOT an Urban Legend

Girls with PMS will not think twice about kicking you in the balls for pissing them off. Beware.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Spell It Out



Galing. Got this from Kastner. It uses tagged pictures from Flickr to generate the word you enter. Try it.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Baby


schneebly
Originally uploaded by Redjeulle.
And this is Mr Schneebly, the star of the family. He's always running out of kibble, and the one time he greedily stole human food, his lips swelled. It betrayed him.

He even has his own friendster account, but I forgot his email address. He's a little bratty, but one look at him and all is well.

The Birthday That Wasn't


8th
Originally uploaded by Redjeulle.
This is for the 8th, that I said was Mr Schneebly's birthday, but was not. I was and still am sorry.

I know I was forgiven, because we're working on the 10th.

Sa Wikang Pilipino*

Sa buong buhay ko, kahit kailan ay hindi ako naging komportableng magsulat at magbasa ng Tagalog. Natatandaan ko pa noong nasa elementarya pa lamang ako, napapagalitan ako lagi ng mga guro sa tuwing sisingitan ko ng salitang Ingles ang mga parirala at pangungusap.

Hindi kami mayaman**, at lalong hindi kami pinalaking nagsasalita ng Ingles. Dahil kung totoo yan ay bakit ganun na lamang ang hirap ng kapatid kong inhinyero sa paggawa ng kanyang mga sulatin. Ngunit katulad ng isang kulisap na naaakit sa liwanag, sa tuwinang magkakaroon ako ng pagkakataon na magbasa ay mga aklat na nasa wikang Ingles ang aking karamay.

Napagtanto ko noong ako ay sampung taong gulang, na ang wikang tumatakbo sa isip ko ay hindi Pilipino, kundi ang banyagang wika. Ang simpleng pag-iisip kung ano ang bibilhin sa tindahan ay nasasalin sa Ingles.

Dumating na rin ang punto kung saan pati ang lumalabas sa bibig ko pag nasasaktan ako o nagugulat ay Ingles. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko narinig ang salitang kung isasalin sa Pilipino ay "dumi ng lalaking baka" ngunit dahil nasambit ko ito minsang nagbabag*** kami ng kapatid ko, ay namarkahan ako ng palad ng aking ama sa mukha. Hindi pala magandang pakiramdam pag lagi kang tinatanong ng iyong mga kaklase kung bakit may Adidas logo**** ka sa pisngi.

Alam nyo ba yung mga librong Tagalog na puro kwento ng pag-ibig? Sinubukan kong magbasa, subalit hindi ko maintindihan. Ikinatwiran kong baka hindi lang ako nagagandahan sa kwento. Bumili ako ng mga nobela ni Lualhati Bautista, ngunit nabigo ako dahil modernong Tagalog
ang ginagamit ng mga tauhan. Iminungkahi ng isang kaibigan ang pagbabalik-loob sa mga klasiko, at binigyan ako ng kopya ng Florante at Laura. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin alam ang istorya ng magkasintahan, bukod sa itinali sa puno ang isa sa kanila. Kung bakit, hindi ko pa rin napapag-alaman.

Ngayon, pinipilit kong maging mas mahusay sa pagsusulat sa sariling wika, dahil baka isang araw ay dalawin ako sa panaginip ng ating mga pambansang bayani at busalan ako sa bibig, upang hindi na mamutawi sa aking mga labi ang wika ng mga banyaga nanamantala sa ating inang
bayan.


#########################


* Kahit ipagdugo pa ng ilong ko, bubuuhin ko to na hindi gumagamit ng
ibang language, ay shet, lenggwahe.

** Kung iniisip mo pa rin kung ano ang konek, este koneksyon, ng
pagiging mayaman sa pagsasalita ng Ingles, yun ay dahil isa kang
mangmang o kaya kahapon ka lang ipinanganak.

*** Syet, san galing yun?

**** Peksman, tumingin ako sa English-Tagalog diksyo, logo pa rin sya
sa Tagalog.


Monday, March 14, 2005

In Defense of Dementia

To Anonymous,

Obviously I don't know you. Well, maybe I do but you hid in that generic term people use whether they are humble, criminals, or just plain chickenshit.

But first, I must thank you for your concern for my lovelife. Really. I'm not being sarcastic here, because my lovelife always has a tendency to spiral out of control. It doesn't differ much from a ball falling fast down the stairs, or a hankie let loose in the fierce winds of Batanes. I don't know why it always happen that way, but maybe its congenital. Congenital means I was born with it, and it's possible that it runs in the family.

My relatives had too interesting lovelifes. I know they are not isolated cases, but if you know my relatives you will understand. Let me cite a few examples.

Case No. 1. First cousin of my mom got knocked up -- that was harsh -- got involved with a 17-year old kid of another first cousin. She was 27 at the time. Let me see, that makes him her greatnephew of some sort. This cousin also took up psychology in college, and had a long-time boyfriend when it happened. True, this is not the first time it happened in the universe. But let me tell you about her father. Her father is a devout Catholic who will engage you in a one-on-one bible reading session if you are unfortunate enough to be caught alone. And don't even think about arguing with his opinions. He is one of those people who thinks that any item of clothing which hemline falls above your knee is considered underwear, and should not be worn outside of the privacy of your own room. (He once hurt my feelings when he caught me standing by the second floor window and accused me of making googly-eyes at the passing boys. I wasn't exactly making pa-cute, I was just scoping the possibilities, but he still had no right to say that.) Up to now I still wonder why that hook-up ever happened. Anyway, they have three kids now. Another thing I'm wondering about: is their marriage legal?

Case No. 2. I really don't wanna tell. My relatives will kill me. As it is, they're gonna have my head with case No. 1. Let's just hope they don't read this. Case No. 2 is juicier, though. There are also Cases 3, 4, 5...you get my drift.

So you see, my dear Anonymous, whatever I am going through right now is Nothing compared with what some members of my clan went through at one point in their lives.

Let's also take into consideration the concept of free will, of which I am an advocate. It is my choice, my doing, that I am with certain people in my life. If I truly don't deserve them, then it's my problem. Don't worry, I'm able to take care of myself, and as my self-description in Friendster goes, I'm singlehandedly responsible for screwing up my life.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

The Pink Twisted

I got the book I got the book I got the book I got the book I got the book I got the book I got the book !!!!

Which book you say? Duuuuhhhh...it's the Twisted 7. It's pink you know. JZ fans would understand about the pink thing. Yep, I'm a die-hard JZ fan. I totally accept that she's gonna rule the world someday. I have all of her books (signed, ehem ehem), even the non-Twisted ones. I bought all of Flip's issues, even though it's dead already.

I don't know why the rest of the magazine-buying population (those who didn't buy Flip) patronizes glossy mags like Cosmo (where they teach you how to have great sex) or FHM (where they tell you about the great sex other people are having) or those showbiz mags that evolved from Kislap or Moviestar. Seriously, Flip is one of my all-time favorite magazines. It has everything from movies to music to food, plus the fact that the Dominatrix publishes it. It means that you can bet your gluteus maximus it will be an interesting and good read.

Some people don't like...ok let's be honest, some people hate Jessica Zafra. I don't know why though, they say she's too angry and angsty and too bitchy for the rest of the world. I say she's not afraid to say what's on her mind, get what she want, and call a spade a spade. Every woman should be a little like her. If you were made to choose between a bitch and a doormat, which would you rather be? I guess you know which one I would pick.

She can write about anything and make it sound interesting. She is never capable of mutilating the English language and is very articulate. She has a way of putting her thoughts into paper that when I read it I can't help but say "my point exactly, I just didn't know how to say it."

I first read her in Womenagerie, her column in Woman Today, when I was in high school. I was an instant fan. There was something in her writing that I was drawn to. I realized later it was the angst, the general animosity towards life when I was an adolescent that carried over to my adult life.

I don't mean for this entry to be a tribute to her (and its not), and I'm not being mushy (you know she hates that), I just wanted to say that she's one of the few people whose views I respect, or at least makes me think.

To Ms Zafra, I hope Flip can be brought back to life, as it deserves to be.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I Would Nuke Your House If I Had the Energy

I catch myself constantly daydreaming throughout the day. I think about what happens to tsismosas (gossips) when they reach hell. I hope the devils stretch the tsismosas' tongues to Neverland until it can go around Earth, or even the moon. They could also cut it and then chop it finely, to be fed to them. I can also take comfort if somebody said the tsismosas in hell are made to blab constantly, 24/7, nonstop, no breaks, for eternity. I hate them right now, with every muscle and every bone.

**********************

Why can't some people adopt the concept of "mind your own business"? If it's not about you and not affecting you in some way, you have no business talking about it. Moreso spreading lies about people you just think you know. Seeing them everyday is not the same as knowing them, you hag. To know a person better, you have to spend time with them. You can't say you know me just because you know my name and cellphone number. It takes a lot more than that.

**********************

I hope the next time this certain tsismosa enters a church she'll spontaneously combust. Don't go to church for the obligation of it, mean it. Mean what you pray for. Don't just preach the Bible, integrate it in your life, in your actions. I believe God would be happier if you just strived to be a good person, not by memorizing every single novena there is.

**********************

If your life is not exciting enough, don't look to other people to provide excitement. We certainly don't have the time to always feed your imagination about certain things. Why not gossip about your family, because they're oh-so-fucking-perfect I'm sure they're fodder for other people like you.

**********************

Really, I would nuke your house if I could get up from this chair. Fortunately I can't, so don't hold your breath. Somebody will get you someday. Maybe not us, but somebody will.

**********************

Bibay is not demented. Paranoid maybe, but not demented. Dementia is way advanced.


Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Ginger Feet



How can you not love someone who's willing to do your pedicure? That's Bibay, and that's my foot. He must really love me too, to be able to touch my hideous ginger feet. Tonight he's doing my manicure. I wonder when he's gonna do my hair. Kidding bee! :-) Posted by Hello

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Gotta Have Faith

Happy Women's Day!

Did you know that women has 300% more pain threshold than men? That's why God gave us the pregnancy and childbirth part. Imagine if it was men who get pregnant and give birth -- one friend said he will confine himself to a hospital for the duration of the pregnancy. Even the sight of me doubled over in menstrual cramps brings tears to his eyes, if only for the gratitude he feels that he does not undergo that kind of pain EVERY month.

On one of my visits to the dermatologist, I overheard a guy in the next cubicle asking his doctor if it's gonna be painful. Apparently its his first time to get his face pricked. The doctor comforted him, no, it's not that painful..."parang kagat lang ng langgam."

Ten minutes later, poor wittle boy was screaming his lungs out.
"Araaaaaaaaaayyyy koooooohhhh!"
"Pu*(&^#*#$&naaaaaaaaaa!!!"
"Ang sakeeeeeeeeetttt!!!"

And ten more variations of those sentences.

Boys appear to be strong and invincible, but that's just because society expects them to be. They can't cry in public for fear of being doubted of their sexuality. They can't hold another male friend's hand, that's like suicide dude. They can't go back on their words, that's not a very manly thing to do. In other words, they have to prove ALL THE TIME that they're men. They're macho, they're the boss, they're tough. Or so we let them believe.

Women, on the other hand, can cry for almost any reason. She can cry when she's sad, happy, angry, touched, bored, frustrated, hungry, scared...name it, she's free to cry over it. Girlfriends are not afraid to kiss (on the lips) in public, nobody will accuse them of being gay, unless it's tonsil hockey already. They can hold hands, hug, touch each other's hair...they're just being girly. And women NEVER had to do anything to prove they're women.

Women can change their minds anytime, it's actually expected of them. They can say "no" in a moment's notice, and guys are supposed to take it literally, otherwise it's date rape. In bed, scores can be pretty pathetic. Reports say it can reach up to a ratio of 2:14, in favor of guess who.

An old joke goes, when God was giving special gifts to Adam and Eve, Adam went greedy and grabbed almost everything God offered them. He got the standing while peeing, innate understanding of anything electronic, mechanical skills, etc. Eve was silent the whole time, letting Adam get what he wanted.

Finally God said, "There is one last gift left. I'd like to let Eve have it, since she never asked for anything."
"Sure, no problem. What is it anyway?"
And God said, "Multiple orgasms."

Can't believe it's been a year.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Big Idiot

Why did God invent idiocy? Never did anybody any good.

I promised to tolerate it to a certain level, but I also expect a certain amount of intelligence from people who I consider as equals. I mean, dude, you wouldn't be here if you didn't have some sort of IQ in your mosquito-sized brain, right? Use it.

Asshole.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Dissertation on Happiness

In Project Management class, we discussed how to recognize situations that drives managers to just shut down operations and never look back. That's dramatizing it a lot, but that's the gist of it.

When everything goes wrong and nothing seems to go in the right direction (that's redundant), what does one do?

I'd like to think that I am past that stage of being impatient, of being able to walk away from something guilt-free, just because I'm "fed up", or simply BORED. When I was younger, I would rationalize things by saying I wouldn't be productive if I stuck it out because I wasn't happy anymore. I would go into that line of argument, insisting that my happiness is a priority well above others. Well, it's not like that in real life.

In real life, if you don't work, you're dead. Not unless you're on a perpetual scholarship from Mommy and Daddy, or your surname evokes images of supermalls all over the land. For ordinary people, work means food on the table, clothes on your back, and a roof over your head. That's just the practical side of it. Going up the heirarchy of needs, it also provides self-worth, dignity, and independence. Happiness, as you might guess, is at the very top of the pyramid, and it keeps on moving higher.

I don't know about you guys, but I think contentment is higher than happiness. If you think it's hard to reach the latter, then you can very well describe the contentment tile as unreachable.

Let's face it people, we will never be content with what we have. We always want MORE, MORE, MORE. More money, more material things, more accolades, more excess baggages. You are a hypocrite (at the very least) if you said you were content with your life right now. It doesn't even need to be material, in fact, the richest people are the most discontented according to a study I read somewhere.

Why does it have to more? Does it mean that if we have less of this, we are less of a person? In these days of high commercialism, they bury us with messages and advertisements that come across as "if you don't get our product, you will never be happy and nobody will love you and you will die alone." Fuck it.

We don't always say "fuck it", though. We buy their products, try to integrate it in our life, and expect to be better people when we do. Is humanity that shallow? Are we that gullible that we will swallow what's forced down our throats for the sake of being happy?

We'd sunk so low then. Maybe it's time to pull the plug?