Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Just Kill Me

...instead of doing it ever so slowly.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Turning One

My blog is turning one soon, and that means I have been using this lumot green template for that long.

Frankly, I'm kinda sick of it. Green might be the easiest color on the eye (somebody told me, or I've read it somewhere) but really, one year is one year and I'd really like to see some changes. (No, I'm not gonna change the title to "It's Not Easy Being Green".)

I'll quit whining now and go straight to what I really wanna say: I want a new look for the blog. There. Obviously, the next word is "how". I really have no idea where to start. I've heard about free templates, and visited Manilena. There were a lot of wonderful stuff there but you know, they're not ME. Can you imagine me having something to do with flowers? Or anime? They were great but they don't really represent my personality. And anyhow, picture a website with flowery stuff and soft candlelights and the words Excrement next to it. You get my point, right?

I now appeal to you, my dear faithful readers, all three of you, to find me somebody who does templates for a living. If the person gives it out for free, bring him to immediately. God knows I'm a charity case, and with the impending arrival of my karma I'm actually worse.

Better yet, can somebody teach me how? I know basic Photoshop. I tried googling for online tutorials but I haven't found anything that teaches it in English. They all used Elbonian in the manuals.

So there.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Future Father of my Second Child

I've kinda decided already who will be the first one, see. But this scrumptious and delectable sample of the male species isn't a bad choice at all for being the second. So anybody can point me to where he is right now? Oooohhh, yummy yummy. I really don't care how to spell his name, or if he has the IQ of a marble statue. I also lost IQ points when I first saw him. Is it true he's voted as the best looking guy in the world? What contest is this and when and how come nobody gave him my number?

Wait, what if he's a porn star? Or horror of horrors, gay? Nah. I wouldn't mind either.

Mental Picture

I don't know if this will work since i have posted pictures of myself (stupidly). But to those who really haven't seen me, feel free. Lifted from ~tarush.


It's inevitable that as we read each other's journals, we create mental pictures of each other. Post this in your own journal to find out who your friends see when they read about your life.

Two Rules:
[1] The person must be in the movies or on TV (but doesn't have to be an actor/actress). The person can be specific to a role (e.g. Jennifer Elhe's Elizabeth Bennet) or just the person themself.
[2] You have to post a link to a picture of said person in the comments.

These can be based on things in the person's personality or on physical traits you know they have.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Classic Chuva

"Bakit ang hirap maging masaya?"

When in the depths of grieving over something, in the height of self-pitying because of some reason or another, I always ask myself this question.

Indeed, when you're hurt and lonely and angry and sad all at the same time, the answer to this question seems a very improbable one. It's so hard to look for reasons to be happy when you've run of tears because you felt the universe conspired to make you feel like shit.

But all these yada yada yada blah blah blah couldn't possibly compensate for the fact that just being alive is reason enough to be happy. Granted, you might not have the life that you wanted, but then again there are very few people in this world lucky enough to be able to live out their ideal lives.

People today are so attached to material things, as if possession of more would guarantee a happily ever after. Look at commercials, advertisers are constantly shoving it up our faces that if we don't buy their product, we never have a shot at happiness and we will die alone.

I guess the secret to being happy is to count your blessings, and making the best out of what you have. Looking for the silver lining may be difficult in the dark, but once your eyes gets used to the darkness you will be able to see some.

I'm being like this lately because life just threw me a fast ball and I don't know if I can hit it and run to base. I guess I really don't have a choice but to try. Haay, life talaga. It waits for you to sleep then it punches you in the nose. Shiet.

Friday, July 15, 2005

A Dark One

Men can be such insensitive jerks sometimes. Gaaaad.

Sometimes, when I'm soooo mad at somebody -- it doesn't matter why -- I wish that an accident would befall me and it would be so bad that I'd die just so he'd be sorry for pissing me off. Yes, I'm a lunatic.

When the anger has passed, I would seriously think of going to the shrink. It's not normal to think of things like that, is it? I don't know where all that stems from. Is it insecurity, hate, sadness, etc?

In the deepest darkest part of my heart, when I'm in the pits of gloom and I have run out of tears, I think of slicing myself just so I'd have another reason to cry. Or to deviate the pain from being an emotional one to being physical. I don't want to hurt myself because I want to die, I just want something to cry about besides the fact that somebody hurt me deeply. Its kinda tiring to think about it nonstop.

So far, I haven't tried anything of the sort. As you know I'm deathly afraid of blood and I can't wield a knife or blade properly. Sheesh.

Monday, July 11, 2005

A Little Off

I decided to update my blog but found out I have lost all desire to think, at least for the moment. My brain seems to be in connivance with my body, both are one breath away from being completely comatose.

Lately I am turning into a cement statue, all heavy and gray. I don't know the cause for the transformation, but I suspect it's the invasion. I don't feel any excitement over anything, even (gasp!) food. Yes...I have changed.