Tuesday, December 21, 2004


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Monday, December 13, 2004

What Kind of Blogger Am I?

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read.
Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few

Totoo ba itich?

Saturday, December 11, 2004

Choco Nutty Crunch

My system is malfunctioning.

Visits to doctors are becoming all too familiar and boring, I could recite in my sleep the symptoms I've been having, repeated to doctors over and over again. My blood samples are in at least four laboratories already and they're saying only one thing.

I don't want to be all too caught up in this, but my body insists that I should. I've been feeling tired and sleepy pretty often lately. On top of giving up my mostly unhealthy lifestyle, I now have a foot-long list of food I can't eat.

That really depresses me, because 50% of that list is made up of meat, and I'm Miss Carnivorous 2004. One thing that's ok for me to eat are sweets, and damn it to hell, I don't have a sweet tooth. I don't enjoy chocolates, cakes and ice cream like normal people. Ok, I'm not normal.

So there we were having lunch, and the dessert for the day was a Choco Nutty Crunch cake. It's basically two layers of chocolate moist sponge cake with caramel in between, and heaps of white icing on top. I don't know why, but it reminded me of a tomb. I pointed that out to my friend who was attacking a monstrous slab of the tomb-cake.

"Hey look, the chocolate part looks like soil or mud, and the white icing looks like the fresh paint on tombs during Ghost Season." At which point she stabbed the slice of cake in the middle with her
fork and wrinkled her nose at me. "Are you always morbid when you think you're dying? Because you're not, and I want to enjoy my dessert, ok?"

It really hurt, but it's true. I don't wanna die yet, but if I am, then so be it. Just don't call my spirit when you're doing the Ouija board. I will be busy.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


My dear faithful readers (yes, all three of you), please allow me this indulgence of talking about You-Know-Who again. What? No, you moron, not Voldemort.

He, the bane of my existence. The one who makes my heart melt. The drama king. The one I want to murder sometimes.

Yes, sometimes I want to put my hands on his bony neck and just twist it so both our self-inflicted tortures will end. Self-inflicted, because I chose to be with him, and also for him because he imagines all sorts of scenarios that in turn gives him nightmares.

I never imagined we would fight over which Mercury Drug branch I should have gone to. You think it's petty? Of course it is! He doesn't think so. He made it sound like I'm being dodgy just because I didn't go to the nearer branch.

I'm starting to suspect that if he had his way, he'd handcuff the two of us so we're together all the time. Or he'd rather be stranded in an island with just the two of us, because nobody can call me, I wouldn't have anywhere else to go, and I can't talk to anybody except him.

He's bonkers, and I'm going that road too.


Note to Taveren: I am indeed a Drama Queen, and I think I found my King.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Bad Me

I am not a bad person.

I consider myself a good citizen of this country. I don't jaywalk. I heed No Smoking signs. I don't talk on my phone at moviehouses or churches, or even turn it on. I don't throw my candy wrappers just anywhere, I even pocket them for a week if I can't find a trash can. I don't add to the pollution because I don't have a car (not by choice).

I try my best not to judge people (although this statement contradicts a previous entry) by their looks, material wealth, and gender preference. I'm also working out my issues with people who have a very low tolerance for learning. I try to be politically correct. If it won't kill me by not saying it, I just keep my mouth shut. I'm considerate most of the time, I try to put myself in other people's shoes. I'm learning how not to hold grudges.

I would like to think that I give out advice only when asked, and rather sensibly at that. I cry when I see old people at homes. I cried when I witnessed a dog almost run over by a car at that blasted CP Garcia Avenue. I try not to pick up every stray kitten I see.

I take a deep breath when I'm overwhelmed by things. If I have to make a major decision, I sleep on it because everything looks different the morning after. I try to remember friends' birthdays. If something good happens to them, I am happy. I don't ask people how much are they earning, why are they gaining weight, or why are they so stupid to stay in that damned job which pays almost nothing.

I do the groceries at home. I try to be a good big sister. I don't try at all to be a good daughter to my mother, but I'm not bad. I let her hog the PC even if it means burned rice and a tower of laundry and a to-die-for (nakakamatay) electric bill. She never had a love story, and if this is her last chance, I'm not one to hold her back.

I am many other things, but I am not a bad person.

So why am I being depressed and lonely and feeling suicidal (sometimeslang, when its late at night and I'm listening to OPM Acoustic in my iPod)? I hope it's just PMS.

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

A Fly in the Wall

Overheard between Sharon and Vilma (where, I don't know. F*** off.) :

Sharon: i might be nuts pero indulge me
Sharon: in our history together, can you think of one instance na inagrabyado ko sya?
Sharon: yung intentionally eh niloko ko sya with the sole intention of putting one over him?
Sharon: all i can think of is the pagyoyosi
Sharon: and i don't feel that bad about yesterday
Sharon: kasi nga i'm not guilty to begin with
Sharon: and i know he really hit the roof
Sharon: pano ba to? should i just let it be?
Vilma: actually kinausap ko sya ng konti after the cofi and yosi... sabi ko bakit d kayo nagpapansinan... sabi tanungin daw kita
Sharon: i can understand why he was mad
Sharon: pero sana pinakinggan nya rin yung explanation ko
Sharon: i don't want him to be mad at me for something that i didn't even want
Vilma: i told him that also pero i suggested na pag he's ready to talk to you eh makinig syang mabuti
Vilma: at lawakan nya ang isip nya
Vilma: he told me he stopped talking with Pitbull dahil gusto mo at gusto nya na rin tumigil and then he would only find out na you were talking with your boss at meron pang kahindik hindik na message... now wonder he freaked out
Vilma: anyway, sabi ko na baka naman you were just being nice dahil former boss mo nga... eh ang banat naman eh ang haba daw ng usapan nyo
Sharon: i don't want him to be mad
Sharon: because of what i will tell the two of you later
Sharon: kung ayaw na nya ok lang
Sharon: but i don't want him to be mad for something that he wrongly believes
Vilma: eh Shawie sya na yon eh... and you cannot change that... try mo nalang explain sya kanya kung kaya nya pang i-absorb ang sasabihin mo
Sharon: alam ko
Sharon: pero bakit sya di nya maintindihan na ako na to
Sharon: or ganito na tayo for that matter
Sharon: i'm not trying to change him at all

Script ng bagong movie...ang title "Hihintayin pa ba Kita sa Langit, Baka Mapanis Lang Ako."

I am not making any sense today, they just got a substantial amount of blood from me.

Monday, November 29, 2004

(Weird) Men I Lust For

This is a list of the members of the male species I (verb deleted) for, albeit unconventional. You will not find here the obviously aesthetically outstanding species like Brad Pitt or Aga Muhlach (don't get me wrong, I would still chain them to my bed IF I ever get the chance). Some people might not agree with me but hey, this is my list. Go ahead and make your own if this makes you barf.

Moving on, moving on, in no particular order:

1. Steve Buscemi. I just don't know why. He's a psycho, he got bad teeth, he's short. But I'm always half in love with this guy. Best roles to be seen in: Reservoir Dogs and Armageddon (he plays a genius).

2. Kevin Bacon. Yeah, yeah, he's some sort of a matinee idol when he did Footloose so he's not unconventional. But don't you just hate his nose? Totally love it. Anybody know where I can download his naked pics?

3. Jeremy Piven. Hasn't got a lead role yet, as far as I know. Usually confined to playing the best friend or the friend of the friend of the lead guy. Hairline is totally rising, but I don't care. For those who don't recognize the name, he's John Cusack's best friend in Serendipity (the guy who writes obituaries in the NYTimes). Liked him best in that dark comedy with Cameron Diaz, the title of which escapes me at this point.

4. Chris Cooper. If I am doomed to marry a much older guy, I would choose Mr Cooper. I will not explain anymore...just because. Oh yeah, he's the gay guy who shot Kevin Spacey in American Beauty.

5. Christopher Walken. I would not marry him because his smile spooks me. But this guy is something else...if only for his dancing in the Weapon of Choice MTV (Fatboy Slim).

6. John Malkovich. Does he chain his women?

7. The sniper guy in Saving Private Ryan. If somebody can tell me his name please.

8. Raymond Bagatsing. Hmmmm....pagsisilbihan ko sya. :-)

9. Philip Seymour Hoffman. I told you this list is weird.

10. Open for application. Must be a straight male. Send your resumes and pictures (1 close up, 1 full body shot), measurements and shoe size. IQ will be also measured. ;-)

Friday, November 26, 2004

Poetry Slush

So we're ok, we're fine, baby I'm here to stop the crying
Chase all the ghosts from your head
Stronger than the monster beneath your bed
Smarter than the tricks played on your heart
We'll look at them together then we'll take 'em apart
Adding up the total of a love that's true
Multiply life by the power of two

-- Power of Two, Indigo Girls

Somebody said to look up the Indigo Girls even if just for the poetry. Well, ok, but I'm not really into poetry. Although it might be argued that songs are poems (actually, they are). Ok, I'm into poetry with rhythm. I just can't create a poem. I used to when I was fifteen, and it was all about acne and emotions gone haywire. And they rhymed. I hate poems that rhyme; someday I will produce a haiku, but never again a poem that rhymes.

One time I attended a poetry reading in Malate. Let me rephrase, I did not attend, I was literally dragged into it by two gay friends who think they're literati, but in reality are just two wannabe drag queens (ei guys, give me a call, one round of drinks is on me). So there we were, getting drunk on Cali Ice while listening to this Goth lady recite something about her cat being run over by a truck. I appreciate her effort, truly, but I just didn't get it. I'm not genetically engineered to appreciate certain art forms, such as poetry readings and performance arts and some sculptures in particular.

Dammit, and I would have liked to think of myself as a struggling artist.

Monday, November 22, 2004

While Getting my Dose of Higher Learning

Saturday, 20 November

4:05 p.m.

My professor has sideburns. And bangs. And a tail-like something at the back. He somehow looks like Wolverine, if Wolvie is sixty years old. In short, he takes the word "bad-hair day" to a whole new level. Would you trust somebody who looks like he just got his hair out of a dryer to feed you supposedly useful information about "bridging the gap between science and market"?

4:15 p.m.

Its raining, and I can hear the zen-like mini-falls outside the classroom. Its kinda relaxing, like being inside a posh spa, only with fluorescent lighting and the bad-hair day personified in front of me. I can feel my eyes glazing over.

4:40 p.m.

I'm barely here an hour and I'm already experiencing astral projection out of boredom. Wish I could transport myself to Bali or Jamaica. I'm also starting to have a headache, a big one. Fuck, I wouldn't be able sleep later. It's weird, but when I have migraine attacks I just could not sleep. I will be forced to stay up late until there's nothing on TV anymore except that vile Kuya Germs show which will undoubtedly double my migraine.

4:50 p.m.

I thought my professor would be old, like moss-infested old. He's surprisingly younger-looking compared to what I have imagined he would be. On paper, it says he's a brilliant guy, and I'm sure he is. But nobody can be that enthusiastic teaching this subject at this hour on Saturdays. I wonder what he's taking.

5:15 p.m.

It's official -- I'm bored.

5:30 p.m.

Aren't we gonna have a break soon? I'm tired of hearing about Jollibee vs. McDonalds. Oh, Jollibee is winning, but Twister Fries and caramel sundae are still unbeatable.

5:35 p.m.

Now he's telling us to choose heart attack over cancer. I didn't know he can be funny. And no, there was no hint of sarcasm in my voice.

5:40 p.m.

I have no problem making decisions, thank you very much. I make decisions for everybody in a three-mile radius. I can't stand indecisions and fickle-mindedness. I can't stand people who make decisions and then changing it after a minute. Nobody likes fence-sitters, either, if that's what you're suggesting. I am merely lazy.

5:45 p.m.

I'm dreaming awake...I can see myself below, unconscious but wide eyed. I decide to go to Bali.

7:00 p.m.

Huh? We're done?


I need help. Really.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Shut Your Face

Warning: to the people who are intent on bossing me around, here are a few tips:

1. Make sure you are actually my boss.

2. If you're going to demand authority, I hope you reek of it.

3. Do not be a stickler for rules if you yourself are breaking every last one.

4. I will not put on an OK face while you're making your Goody-Two-Shoes speech. I am very transparent.

5. I don't care if I'm Ms Simangot. There's a reason behind it and I'm in the process of putting it into words.

6. Don't fool yourself into thinking that I will actually follow your directions (which are usually way off the mark), because I can think for myself.

7. A lifetime of doing the same stuff over and over again should've taught you some things.

8. A little tact and diplomacy goes a long way.

9. Respect is earned, not commanded.

10. I don't require you to speak perfect English, but please think before you speak. Actually, this last one says it all.

So shut it.

What's Another Word for Kapakshetan?

Itong araw na to ang papatay sa kin.

We are all so pressured and busy that we're snapping at each other. Frayed nerves and people breathing down your neck for Urgent documents makes you want to bite somebody's head off. I haven't even had my caffeine fix for the day. It's barely an hour since I got here and already my body says it's late afternoon.

Feeling ko lang bago matapos ang araw duduguin na ko. O kaya susuka ako ng nana (Ma, pahiram ng favorite expression mo). Lahat sila, walang exception, nagcoconspire para papangitin ako. (Pag may nag comment dyan ng medyo alanganin, sisipain ko.)

Eto nga hawak ko ang phone, everytime pipindutin ko para tumawag may next caller na naman. At iba-iba ang kelangan nila. As in, walang umuulit.

I envy Kifing nga eh, I just called to wish him a happy birthday, eh bukas pa pala. Powtah. Anyway yun nga, kakainggit sya kasi parang 8 a.m. na ko tumawag, nasa house pa sya at nag uupdate ng blog! Grabeh, so stress-free ha. So I asked him is that why he's looking for stress in other aspects of his life, kasi sobrang relaxed sya sa kanyang work.

O sya, pag natuluyan ako ngayong araw punta kayo agad sa lamay ko kasi gusto ko not more than 3 days akong nakaburol, k? Keri? keri.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Moving Out

My gulay (screw Amanda G), I really wanna be fully independent. Meaning, gusto ko nang mag isa sa bahay!

Gusto ko nang mamuhay mag-isa, magising ng walang ibang tao, walang maingay, walang ibang nagkakalat, walang nangingialam ng gamit ko. Gusto ko nang maranasan yung gutom na ko pero wala akong makain kasi tinamad na naman akong mag grocery at mas lalo akong tamad lumabas para maghanap ng pagkain. Gusto ko pwede akong mag breakfast ng alas dos ng hapon na walang magagalit sa kin kasi uulcerin ako. Gusto kong maglinis ng sarili kong kalat, gawin kahit anong gusto ko dahil bahay ko yun. Gusto kong makapag yosi sa banyo ng walang mag rereklamo na amoy usok. Gusto ko kahit saan ko ilapag ang gamit ko hindi ako mag aalala na baka may kumuha.

Gusto ko lahat yan.

Pero paanoh???

It takes lots of guts to be independent. Kaya ko bang magising ng maaga na walang gigising sa kin? Kaya ko bang panatiliing disease-free ang bahay ko? Ma-take ko kayang maglinis ng banyo? Maghugas ng kawaling pinagprituhan? Pag may pumutok na ilaw, anong gagawin ko? Mga gripong ayaw magsara, pano na? Maalala ko kayang i-check lahat kung nakapatay bago ako umalis sa umaga?

It takes even more money to be independent. Lahat ng tinanong ko na apartment/unit, nanghihingi ng 2 months advance, 1 month deposit. At an average of 6 thousand a month, more or less I should have 20 thousand in cash if I want a place of my own. Syempre bibili pa ko ng gamit, di naman pwedeng magkakatabi kami ng PC at mga sapatos ko sa sahig. Kelangan ko rin ng phone para makapag Internet. And this time I have to deal personally with the bills from Meralco and Maynilad. Meron ba kong perang ganun?

Sa ngayon, wala. Nadah. Kahit at gunpoint, wala talaga.

But I can feel the desire inside me, I have to get my own place. Bago man lang ako tamaan ng sumpa ng pagiging trentahin. I know I am ready, shet naman no, ang tanda ko na. Kung hindi ngayon, kelan pa.

Kaya isusumpa ko na rin muna ang mga taxi. Siguro naman after 5 years may pang-deposit na ko. Hehehehe...

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Take My Soul

I hate love.

Tangina bakit kasi pag nagmahal ka ipusta mo pa ang kaluluwa mo kay Satanas sigurado masasaktan ka. Bwiset.

I hate love and I hate it that I love him.

Directly proportional ang intensity of the joy and pain na mararamdaman mo pag nagmahal ka.

Pakshet, now I have to blog about this.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Ok Fine

One day a friend emailed me, "Pwede ba minsan hindi naman tungkol sa kanya ang blog mo?"

Ok fine. Nyeta.

Eh sa yun ang trip ko isulat eh, care mo ba. Blog ko kaya to, last time I checked di sayo. Kung ayaw mong basahin, pwes wag. Saka di ba masarap magsulat pag asar ka...feeling mo ang dami dami mong pwedeng sabihin (na hindi mo kayang sabihin pag kaharap mo sya).

O sige...ibang topic tayo. Ano ba trip nyo? Warning lang, I don't do politics, it makes me gag. Reviews? Biased akong tao. Hmmm...where does that leave us?


Magaling akong manlait. Sabi nga ni soulmate Jeff, unahan lang yan. It's either you or them, might as well be them di ba. Coming from somebody who can compete with a refrigerator in terms of girth and food storage capacity, I think he has a point.

Panlalait can be both a skill and an art. When you're really feeling as if the world conspired to make you feel like such a maggot, it can save your life. Lambasting others to death makes me feel better. I know, don't say it, its bad. Atone for your sins by using organic products not tested on animals, and eat vegemeat for a week.

So you might ask, ano ba favorite naming "pansinin"? Here are some of my favorites:

  • Call center speak. No offense to people who work at call centers ha...since my sister is one of them. And what I'm talking about isn't necessarily exclusive to call center people, kasi you can find them everywhere. Anyway, ito yung mga pa-cute magsalita ng English, pinipilit magkaron ng American accent. My sister was telling me about this girl who was making tambay at Starbak with her friends. "Guys, let's watch Kill Vill ha. Labas na yung Bolume 2 eh." With matching tabingi ng bibig for maximum effect. Maximum din ang effect ng irritation for me.

NOTE to these guys who think they're earning muchos: Don't waste your precious hard-earned money at these coffee shops just to say you've been there. Go invest in a health care insurance since at the rate of sleep you're all having, you're gonna need it real bad in the not too distant future. Wag na ring gumimik sa mga "cool" places. Tulog na lang kayo. It's not worth it. And I really need to say this, hindi malaki ang 15 thou a month.

  • FGLG/FGLT members. Yep, yung mga Feeling Gwapo Looking Gago/Feeling Ganda Looking Tanga. Ito yung mga thinking they're God's gift to mankind. Nakakita ka na ba ng mga tipong (according to my friend) "panget na successful"? Ya know, they drive a car, they wear expensive clothes, has the latest gadgets. Pero manash, wiz magkakatugma ang mga carry nila. Hindi talaga! Kahit anong sampay nila ng ginto sa mga bodies nila, they only manage to look like they just went home from Saudi. Chunky ang kanilang theme. Ok lang naman sana eh, kung pa-humble effect man lang. Aba hindi, most of the time ang mga TH na ito ay punong-puno ng attitude problem. Sometimes, there is that rare chance na they are actually pleasant to look at, pero naman, hintayin mong magsalita! Parang gusto mong lagyan ng karatula sa noo na SPACE AVAILABLE. Talaga lang, baka nga hindi nila kayang i-spell out ang word na "available" noh!

Saka na lang ulit yung iba...pagod na ko eh. Ayan ha, hindi na sya ang topic natin.

Friday, October 22, 2004

On that Four-Letter Word

"When you find someone you can love, you can't let it get away..."
-- The Wedding Singer

"Love is a form of hysteria. Fortunately, it always passes. "
- Jessica Zafra

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
-- Neil Gaiman

"Putanginang pagmamahal yan!"
-- Chanda Romero, "Ligaya ang Itawag mo sa Akin"

Thursday, October 21, 2004

Lemme sleep and bugger off

futah inaantok talaga ako! pag pumikit ako lilipad ang malay ko at paggising ko ako na lang mag isa dito sa building. ni wala na kong energy para tumayo, kunin ang bag ko, lumabas sa karsada at pumara ng taxi. yun eh kung may pera ako. pero since nagpalista lang ako kanina sa dungeon eh malamang lamang nito na bus lang ako.

bakit ba kasi ako pinanganak na mahirap, tuloy di ako makaafford ng 2-bedroom condo unit sa harap ng office. yung anytime inantok ka pwede ka bumatsi sandali, lalo na sa tanghali.

ano ba malalaglag na mata ko.

so heniwey, yun nga, hinang hina na ko sa antok. pagdating ko naman sa bahay di na ko makatulog. marami pa kasi akong seremonyas bago mahiga hanggang sa tuluyan nang mawala ang antok ko. so makikinig muna ko ng iPod, magbabasa, magmumuni muni, baka sakaling mapagod ang mata at tuluyan na kong kunin ng tulog.

eh ang bedtime reading ko naman eh yung tipong Angels and Demons, o kaya TIME magazine. syempre maaaliw na ko sa binabasa ko at ayoko nang matulog. kaya puyat na naman ako. cycle lang yan.

naaalala ko tuloy si grinch, pag lumagpas ng 10pm puyat na daw sya at magagalit na sya sa kin. heller??? 10pm puyat na? eh anong tawag mo sa kin pag natutulog ako ng 3am? hindi talaga kami bagay.

hay naku, o sya...pwede na kong bumatsi ng walang pag iimbot at buong katapatan -- 4:42 na.


Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Loony Letters

Dear Hang Ten,

Please remove your billboards with your male model on it. He looks like a Gremlin with abs. Plus my friends and I think he's gay.

A Katipunan commuter


Dear Regine,

Please stop speaking English with an American accent. It's just not you. I am forever your fan and I would not care one little bit if you spoke plain English.

Yo Wazzup


Dear Carlos,

Come out of the closet, sister. You stink.

R. Padilla

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Some Things are Just Good to Look At

Bakit nga ba...kala mo swerte ka na. Kala mo naka-jackpot ka kasi maraming nagkakacrush sa kanya. Na mabait sya. Na love ka nya. PAKSHET!!! What was I thinking?

Ito na siguro ang qualified for the "STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER DONE" pag may jologs na magpapa fill up sa kin ng slam book ngayon. Remember them? Ito yung nabibili sa bookstore (or pagpapaguran mong isulat isa isa kasi mahirap ka lang) na ala-biodata sa mga questions. Gusto ko nga dati i-rename to ng "Biodata and Beyond" kasi bukod sa basics (asl) eh marami pa syang makabuluhang tanong tulad ng "What is Love?" at sasagutin mo naman ng equally profound na "Love is Love by Culture Club." Di ba naman, san ka pa. Mas matindi ang kakulangan mo sa nutrients mas enjoy basahin ang entries. Lalo na sa Dedication part (sometimes spelled as D-D-K-Tion)...maraming pamatay. Some classic examples:

"Thank you for giving me the space to write upon."

"Dear Chuva, Godspeed! God Bless! Stay as sweet as you are! Jazz me, Eklavu"

"Blah blah blah...gotta park my pen. "

"JAPAN = Just Always Pray At Night"

"ITALY = I Trust and Love You"

Marami pa to eh, di ko lang maalala ngayon. Pag pinaikot mo ang slambook mo na medyo patapos na ang schoolyear may karapatan ka nang manghingi ng picture sa mga gusto mong mag fill up.

(SIDE NOTE: Don't ever use the phrase "fill up" when talking to non-Filipinos in English, especially the American and the English people. They misunderstand it to be "feel up," which is not very nice especially in a professional environment. Use "fill in" instead.)

Especially pag ang crush mo ay classmate mo lang, may excuse ka nang magkaron ng 1x1 nya na sasambahin mo gabi gabi at pag walang nakatingin. Tapos itatago mo ng maigi, minsan naka album pa. Lilipas ang matagal na panahon, isang araw mabubuklat mo ang album, at makikita mo ang picture nya. Una, pipilitin mo pang matandaan kung anong pangalan nya at saan mo sya naging kaibigan. Tapos biglang sasabat ang kapatid mong bruha, "Ate di ba yan yung crush mo dati na patay na patay ka?" Tapos tatawa ng malakas. Tititigan mo ulit ng matindi ang kupas na 1x1. PAKSHET! What were you thinking???

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Waiting in vain

if he's not here in the next 15 minutes i am definitely leaving. how dare he do this to me. ang kapal nya ha...paghintayin daw ba ko. ito pa naman ang pinaka hate ko, ang maghintay. admittedly, he doesn't do this very often. but just leaving without a word! humanda talaga sya aahitin ko ang kilay nya. pag wala akong nakita ni anino nya, i am not talking to him for the rest of the week, nyeta sya. aaarrrggghhh!!! naiinis talaga ko.

natetense tuloy ako, gusto kong magrelease ng stress. ano kaya ang pwedeng basagin sa paligid? hmmmmm....flower vase? wag, di sa kin yun. baso kaya...baka pagbayarin ako ng caf. pagmumukha nya na lang mamaya, kung magpapakita pa sya.

dammit, he better make this up to me. titirisin ko talaga ang ungas na yun bukas. ayan ha, nag alarm na ko para alam ko kung 15 minutes na. ako naman ang mag wowalk out para alam nya feeling ng winowalk outan. ayoko na, uuwi na ko. wala na ko sa mood makipag kita sa kanya tonight. maiinis lang ako the whole night. tadyakan ko kaya ng isang beses para madala. nakakangitngit!

hindi ako war freak pero minsan lang ako magalit. saka matagal mawala ang galit ko. di pa naman ako nadadala sa sorry, di na mauulit chuva chuva. gusto ko nakikita ko syang nagsasuffer dahil sa ginawa nyang kasalanan. i know its bad, but that's me. i was born that way. pilitin ko mang ngumiti at sabihing napatawad ko na sya, deep inside me galit pa rin ako.

kaya letse sya, pagbabayaran nya to.

Friday, October 08, 2004

He's so bwiset

ano ba yan, malapit na kong marindi. magkakalkal ng cellphone ko, tapos pag may nakita sasama ang loob. pag tinanong mo kung bakit, sasabihin wala. nyeta talaga. sya ata ang girl sa relationship na itich! malapit ko na syang hindi kayanin! kagabi naman sa mcdo, nag attempt mag walk out ang hitad. di kaya bading yun? mas marami pa syang alam sa kin na mga ka-eklavushan.

hay naku, minsan naman may mabanggit ka lang na pangalan ng ibang lalaki na medyo hindi nya type, totopakin na yan. tatahimik na yan tapos titingin sa malayo, naka ismid pa. ano ba naman, ngayon lang ako nakasalamuha ng ganito. as in I have to let him know where am i every hour on the hour. as in, promise. minsan najojologan na ko sa mga pinaggagawa ko talaga. eto pa, ihahatid ako nun, pero hindi para masigurong safe and sound akong makakarating sa bahay namin, kundi para sure na sure sya na sa bahay ako dumiretso at hindi kung saang lakwatshan! yes mga kapatid, ganyan po sya katindi. oplok talaga.

minsan naman, ni hindi ka makabunot ng cellphone kasi pag text ka ng text at kasama mo sya, sasama na naman ang loob. pag narinig nya ang message alert tone ko, babanat na yan ng "o sagutin mo na yan, magkita na daw kayo." nakuuuuu, talaga lang...nakakapanggigil. eto pa nga ang matindi eh, miss universe ba ko para magkandarapa ang mga boylets na i-date ako? last time i checked, hindi ako si dayanara. kunsabagay, si dayanara nga iniiwan pa ng asawa...

in fairness, nahuli nya ko minsan nagsinungaling. pero yun na yun at nag sorry na ko. tinanggap naman nya...so ano pa ba? i always try to stand by my word. i can look him straight in the eye at sabihing never na ko ulit nagsinungaling sa kanya. naman...eh sya nga tong...naku wag na lang at sasama lang lalo loob ko.

yung mga peminista dyan, bago nyo sabihing hiwalayan ko na chuva chuva at wala akong mahihita...it's not as bad as it sounds. he's ok most of the time. pag tinotopak nga lang masasakal mo talaga, pero so far hanggang ganyan ganyan lang sya. at hindi ako martir, pag di na ko masaya aalis ako. sabi ko nga dun magpa-therapy na kasi baka schizoprenia na yun, baka sobrang mild pa lang. kasi minsan he confesses what he's thinking about, aba, may future sya sa scriptwriting at screenplay (kung may pagkakaiba man ang dalawa). kahit ako naa-amaze sa takbo ng utak nya. example lang ha, nabanggit ko lang na someday balak kong mag-apply sa this organization, aba ang futah nalulungkot na agad at magkakahiwalay daw kami. o di ba, ma-eklat syang sobra. sarap na nyang jombagin minsan.

ngayon nga napika na rin ako, di ko rin kinakausap. bahala sya, weekend pa naman. kainissss...i so fucking hate it when he's like this. do you think he needs help?

Thursday, September 30, 2004

I Think I'll Just Go and Kill Myself

This is a bad day.

I woke up still feeling unrested, hung over from two days of slaving away explaining technology. And oh yeah, from last night. Hah. That was my stress reliever. So I went to the sweatshop and resumed my zombie status, half awake, half catatonic. I plowed through the work I left with my head feeling very light. To tell the truth, I wasn't really being very focused on what I was doing.

Near the end of office hours, She-Wolf snapped at me for something I overlooked at this meeting I'm organizing. Ok, so I overlooked it, there was no need to be nasty. It's not like the world's gonna end just because there were no flight details. And I was doing what I could, considering I just inherited this particular line of work. I know this doesn't concern them, but with the finals coming, I don't need the added harassment.

I can feel the beginning of a horrible headache behind my eyes. It will gradually spread to my temples, then to my shoulders, with a pounding sensation that no pain reliever can ever hope to diminish.

This piece is crap. Gag.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Perhaps Not a Good Idea

I am really having second thoughts about having a second blog. Maintaining one is hard enough work. Not to mention living my life is work enough.

I don't mean to sound all bitchy and rude as the title and description suggests, but when I created this blog that was the state I was in. I am actually polite and civil, I buy the groceries at home, I can be cheerful and optimistic, but not so inclined to beso beso (don't push it).

Anyhoo, its finals week at the university, so that means subsistence on Berocca, Marlboro Lights green, and Google. So you don't wonder why all the attitude for a first entry. Who knows, I might one day be an Ambassador of Goodwill for Walt Disney. Yeah, that will be the day.